His voice shatters the moment, and both Ryker and Valen withdraw from me. I glare at their speedy retreat. Sabin walks into the closet, oblivious to his unwanted intrusion. Is he really that dense, or that intent on getting in the way?
I let out a frustrated huff and watch Sabin coldly. He doesn’t say anything, but it’s clear he’s not going to leave until Ryker and Valen do. Ryker relents first and walks out. I feel like something in me goes with him.
Valen moves in behind me, skimming my back with his chest and runs his hands up my arms. He leans down his lips achingly close to the shell of my ear.
“I can think of a couple uses for these," he tells me, running his index finger over the pink lace lingerie still clutched in my hand.
Valen places a lingering kiss on my neck and then leaves. Their absence tugs on me, and I feel unfinished and empty in a way that’s crushing and painful. I look at Sabin, and his disapproving and judgmental mien makes me snap.
“What? Are you still of the delusion that my vagina makes me too fragile and feeble minded to make decisions for my fucking self?”
I can’t help the disdain that takes over my face as I bark out the question. Sabin’s attitude is starting to get old. At first, it felt protective, but right now it feels controlling, and I’ve had enough. I like the look of shock that sweeps over Sabin’s face at my accusatory words.
“No, I don’t think that because you are female you can’t make decisions for yourself. I just think you don’t really know what you’re getting into.”
“Is that why you’ve taken on the role of Captain Cockblock? You won’t allow them to touch me or interact with me the way they want, and now you think you get to makemydecisions, too? Someone thinks very fucking highly of themselves.”
“You have no idea about how our world works or where you’ll fit into it. I have every right to be protective of them, and of you,” Sabin defends.
“If that’s really the issue then enlighten me, Sabin. Tell me what I need to know so I can make more informed decisions, but stop trying to control me.”
He sweeps his hand through his hair and sighs.
“All of you are pushing too far, too fast.”
“And again, I ask, who the hell are you to make that decision for me, or for them?”
“I’m a member of their coven. Someone who cares about them. You’ve been a caster for all of a week, and you’ve known them for less than half of that.”
“Fuck you Sabin and your misguided protection. It’s sex, not torture. We’re having fun and getting to know each other. Get over yourself and whatevergodcomplex you’re obviously suffering from," I fume at him.
Sabin steps towards me, and I can’t tell if it’s heat or anger in his eyes.
“You think all of this is so simple and innocent, but the reality is you don’t know anything. You don’t know what your magic does or what direction it will force you in. You might not end up being compatible with the coven. What happens then? All of you are playing with fire, and I’m trying to keep everything from burning to the fucking ground!”
“I’m not the villain here. I know you don’t know me, and clearly don’t like me, but I’m not trying to fuck with your coven, or hurt anyone.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel like a villain, and I don’t dislike you.”
I scoff at the declaration. “Oh yeah, you’re just overflowing with acceptance and support.”
He takes another step towards me, but my glare stops him in his tracks. He looks torn or maybe regretful, I’m not sure, but I just want him to leave. I’m so tired of people trying to convince me that I’m not good enough, or trying to make me feel wrong or less than simply because I exist.
“I’ll stay the fuck away from all of you, now get the fuck out of my room.”
Sabin hesitates. “Vinna that’s not--”
“Leave!” I shout, and I feel pieces of me fracturing.
Sabin stares at me, and I meet his gaze with venom. The door clicks shut behind his exit, and I slide to the ground, putting my head in my hands. He’s a dick, but he’s right, I don’t know anything, not really. I don’t know how to be a caster or why I’m so fucking different. I don’t know what’s happening to me and why I feel the way that I do about practical strangers. I don’t know shit about where I come from and I sure as hell don’t know where I’m going.
21
Ifind everyone around the huge table outside. It’s been a week of mostly avoiding everyone who lives in this monster-mansion of emotional torture. I’ve ignored the knocks on my door, and I’ve been doing my best to sneak around unnoticed. That is until today when Lila made me promise to come down for a BBQ. To add to my misery, none of the sisters are even here.
Keegan is manning the grill, and I give him my best attempt at a smile as I make my way over to where everyone is sitting. The paladin are talking about the last case they had, and it seems like there’s a Q-and-A session going on between them and the guys.
Surprise-filled eyes watch me as I make my way down the patio stairs. I take a seat at the long wrought iron table and try to follow the conversation. I’m completely zoned out when a tap on my shoulder pulls me from my confused thoughts. I look over, and everyone is staring at me.
