It wasn’t fair to keep Seth in the dark any longer.
Riley rested his head on Seth’s curls, allowed himself one more moment of peaceful warmth. He spoke the words quickly, like if he hesitated too long, they wouldn’t come out at all. “I know my moms and I said I haven’t fed on any humans before you, but that’s not totally true.”
Seth paused his show immediately, seeming to sense that something important was underneath Riley’s quiet statement. “What do you mean?”
Seth shifted in place, and Riley could feel Seth’s gaze searing into him as he waited for Riley’s answer. He knew he should turn to face his mate, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He kept on staring at the laptop screen, that frozen image of someone piping meringue onto a tart.
“The first time I got away from the one who turned me, I made it all the way back home,” Riley told Seth. “My mom was there—my birth mom. She’d had the police looking, I think, but they weren’t at the house then. It was just her. And I was so—” Rileyswallowed, blinking too quickly as his eyes started burning. “I was sorelievedto see her. I thought everything was going to be okay now that I was home. She grabbed me and held me so, so tightly, kneeling on the living room floor. And I—she smelled—” Riley’s voice grew thicker, something solid blocking his throat. He forced the words out anyway. “I was so hungry.Sohungry. I bit her. I—I drank.”
“Oh, Riley,” Seth whispered, soft and quiet and so concerned. He slid his hand into Riley’s, letting Riley grip his fingers tightly.
“I think because I was a child, or maybe because we’re blood-related, my bite didn’t…feel good, the way they usually do. So she was scared. She hurt. And the only reason I didn’t k-kill her was that she fought me off. My vampire strength didn’t match an adult’s yet, and she—she grabbed the nearest lamp and smashed it over my head. I was so scared but still sohungry. So I ran, and then…he caught me. Again.”
Seth didn’t say anything this time. He only squeezed Riley’s hand, his warm, calloused palm a lifeline Riley didn’t think he could do without.
“My moms…they thought I might forget, in time. And I forgot a lot—too much—but I remember the look in her eyes when she was brandishing that lamp, holding a hand to her bloody neck, yelling, ‘Whatareyou?’ over and over.” Riley stroked his thumb over the little burn scars on the back of Seth’s hand, made himself say the final words. “So that man took me, butI’mthe reason I couldn’t go back.”
And then Seth’s other hand was cupping Riley’s face, gentle fingers brushing his cheek, wiping away tears Riley hadn’t realized had fallen. “Riley, you know that’s not true.”
Seth’s green-brown eyes weren’t recriminating. They were…they were so soft and concerned that they were almost loving. Like Riley could see now what it would look like to be loved by Seth, and it was so beautiful it hurt. “Your human mother… Sweetheart, shewouldn’t have been able to keep you safe. She wouldn’t have known what to do, how to manage the changes you were going through. It’s horrible, and it’s tragic, and I’m so, so sorry, but it’s not your fault. Youweretaken from her, baby. That’s not on you.”
And then Riley was falling into Seth’s shoulder, crying in a way he hadn’t since those early days, when he’d been so young and scared and lost, knowing he wasn’t going to be found ever again, not by the person he loved most in the world.
He’d let the vampire part of him take over a lot in those early days. He’d trusted his strange new moms to watch over him, and he’d let go. He’d hunted for hours and hours in the woods, safe and secure in that blank, nothing state in the back of his own mind.
It had taken time and patience for his moms to draw him out, to coax him into inhabiting himself again. And even though they’d managed it, part of him had always wondered if he’d ever feel whole again.
But hedidfeel whole, wrapped in Seth’s slender, strong arms, letting his tears soak Seth’s T-shirt. He was a person, wasn’t he, even after all that had happened? Maybe a broken person—an unnatural creature with long, jagged cracks running along his center—but a person nonetheless. His moms had done their part, and now Seth was helping hold those broken bits together by sheer stubbornness and kindness and bravery, and all Riley had to do was let him.
Those gentle fingers that had brushed Riley’s cheeks now stroked through his hair. “I’m sorry if I pressured you into biting me before you were ready,” Seth said. “I get a little single-minded sometimes, but I should have asked. I shouldn’t have just…bossed you around.”
Riley was too tired and worn out to pretend to be normal about anything. He sniffed back tear-induced snot and told Seth, “You can boss me around all you want. Tell me what to do, tell mewhen to do it. Because you might not be mine, but I’m all yours.” Riley burrowed deeper into Seth’s hold. “Every single part of me.”
One of themysteries of Seth was that he could be so generous and so cruel all in the span of twenty-four hours.
“But I don’t want to go back,” Riley told him. “I want to stay here. With you.”
Seth met Riley’s eyes in his vanity mirror as he straightened his cloth headband. This one had a yellow-and-orange checkered pattern, like a tablecloth made out of sunshine. “I’m not banishing you, but you need to pick up some of your own clothes and check in with your moms.” Seth turned, assessing Riley’s outfit with a skeptical gaze. “My pants are definitely too short on you.”
Riley looked down at the sweats he was wearing. Sure enough, he was flashing some ankle. He huffed. “I don’t care.”
“You look like a dork.”
“So what?”
Seth only laughed, then began rummaging through his tote bag, presumably checking to see if he still had the keys and lunch he’d packed only a few minutes before.
Seth had a system in the mornings, and it wasn’t a lingering one. He didn’t eat breakfast at home, instead waiting to snag one of his own pastries at the bakery during prep. It unsettled Riley in a vague way, like he knew he should have been insisting Seth sit down and eat something hearty to prepare for the day. But it would have been pointless, since Riley didn’t know how to cook anything, anyway.
And Seth didn’t shower in the mornings either. He only splashed water on his face and dressed in a hurry. He said there was no point to showering when he was just going to get all sweaty and covered in flour at work anyway. He waited until he got homeat the end of the day. Which meant Riley couldn’t offer to wash his back either.
So basically Riley didn’t haveanythingto offer when it came to Seth’s routine. Instead, he was being shooed away like a pest.
Tote bag thoroughly inspected, Seth came over and placed his hands on Riley’s shoulders. Even though he’d laughed at Riley and told him he looked like a dork, Seth’s gaze wasn’t dismissive. It was warm. Considerate. “You feeding on me was kind of a milestone,” he said softly, giving Riley’s shoulders a gentle shake. “Don’t you think you should share that with your moms?”
That was reasonable. Sensible. Riley should graciously agree and make a dignified exit.
“It’s Violet’s training day,” he pointed out instead.
