I walk until I can’t walk anymore. The cool air is irritating, and I know it’s late and I need to get to bed if only because I have combat early tomorrow. So I ration, I’ll take out this—whatever this bullshit is that’s going on with me, with Wesley— I’ll leave it on the mat.
And then I’ll do what I should have done long ago. I’ll set Wesley free.
It’s what has to be done, Adrien.
I tell myself I feel good about this decision, as if saying the words will somehow magically make it true. But it doesn’t, and nothing will make it okay. Because I don’twantto let Wesley go, but I know I can’t keep him for myself, selfishly, either.
It’s only going to be bad for the both of us.
He’s got one semester left. He’s been here longer than most, and maybe I’m to blame for that, too. Because I held him back. I slipped deeper and deeper into his arms, and I kept him from finding a mate.
I’ll never mate anyone. I knew that before I came to this bloody school, and I’d tried to tell my parents as much, but they didn’t want to listen. And when I’d gotten here, I swore I’d bide my time until I was sent home, and my family would believe me then. They’d let me go, and give up on the matter, and I could finally just… live life on my terms. And then I found Wesley, and though I tried to resist his magnetic pull, I was weak.
He dragged me like an undertow and now I’m drowning in him. In what we have, what I wish we could be. In what we’llneverbe, because Wesley needs to find a suitable mate. A vampiress who can give him what I can’t, and only then will he ever have a chance at usurping the throne from his brother.
I can’t say for certain if Ivy is that person, but I do know that he’ll never find a mate if he’s tangled up withme.And clearly, despite what Wesley has said in the past, hewantsto explore the possibility. Judging by the tent in his pants when he was kissing her.
The memory replays in my mind and I adjust my stupid cock, because the thought alone of seeing his erection—of seeinghergrind on him like that—is enough to elicit a pebble of moisture at my cockhead, and I both hate it and love it. And I know I shouldn’t love it. Not atall.
For starters, I’ve never felt even the vaguest of interest in women. Even as a kid in my parents’ estate, I never felt particularly drawn to the young vampiresses at school or in the neighborhood. And even as a teenager, I didn’t feel drawn to them in the way my peers did.
But what I did feel was a deep longing in my gut every time my professor walked in the room. What I did feel, was hard as a fucking rock when I was alone with my best friend, Henry. And when Henry kissed me back that one fabled night under the moonlight in the woods on the way back from a school function, I understood I was different from the other vampires, but I wasn’talone.Henry felt the same thing, and soon kissing turned to touching, and before I knew it, he was on his knees, taking me into his mouth; his fangs dragging along my shaft as he sucked my cock like I longed to suck on a neck.
And after that, I never questioned why I wasn’t like the other men, because I didn’tneedto be like them. I could have my cake and eat it, too, as long as I didn’t breathe a word of it.
It wasn’t like vampire bachelors didn’t exist. They just weren’t as revered or accepted, and most either moved outside the realm to live a life of perpetual solitude, or they remained playboys for eternity, never claiming a mate, but instead surviving off blood and pussy until they were either killed by necromancers or… until they simply left altogether.
But even as I walk towards the dormitory, my shoulders sinking and my heart tired and achy, I can’t help butadmit, if only to myself, that I feltsomethingfor the bratty little princess. I’m just not entirely sure what that something is, in actuality.
And I don’t want to dissect it, either.
Not now, maybe not ever. I can’t get in the way of whatever is happening between Wesley and Ivy. I can’t hold him back anymore, and I know that.
But Gods, I wish it were different. I wish Ivy Reign had never come to this bloody fucking academy.
When I open the door to the dorm, it’s dark and quiet.
I carefully make my way in and lock the door, feeling on edge, my mind still racing like my heartbeat. Will Wesley be here? Or will he be withher, now? Has he gotten his things and left? Have my actions shoved him into her arms, her bed, or?—
I turn the corner to see him in bed. Asleep.
My heart cracks as relief and sadness flood me. I approach the bed carefully. Gazing down at him, I try to commit the image of him like this to my memory. Dark hair all messy, lips parted as he softly snores away. His pale shoulder catching the moonlight streaming through the window.
I reach out without thinking and run my fingers through his hair. So soft, smooth. So perfect.
I let them trail down his neck and shoulders. I love touching him, I always have.
And soon enough, this will only be a memory. A stolen moment I cling to. Just like the memories of thelast two years. The best years of my life, no doubt about it.
His eyelashes flutter, and I drop my hand. When he opens his eyes, those deep crystal irises look up at me with so much pain, I hate myself. Because I know it’s me that causes him pain.
I always cause him pain, and this is no different. And I know what I’m going to do will hurt him deeply. But I remind myself I’m doing itforhim. To give him the chance he needs to find a mate and live the life he’s supposed to. The one he deserves.
“Hey,” he says shakily.
“Hey.”
“Wasn’t sure you were coming back,” he murmurs, clutching his pillow on his side of the bed.
