A means to an end.
“I’ll catch you later, then?” he asks, his voice softer than usual.
I nod, my heart breaking with every word.
“Yeah, of course.”
Adrien stands there for a moment, staring back at me. I think he’s going to say something, but he doesn’t. Instead, he turns around and opens the door, leaving me in the darkness.
And only when the door shuts, do I let out the strangled cry I’ll never let him see.
I can’t love Adrien Claire. I can’t be his mate, and I need to accept that. I need to accept that I’m never going to have a mate, that I’m never going to be bitten by anyone. I’m supposed to do the biting. I’m supposed to be the one claiming a mate, but instead, I’m just defective because Iwantto be bitten. I want to be chosen.And no vampiress will ever choose anabominationlike me—a male vampire with bloodheat and lust for men. No vampiress in her right mind would pick a man like me. Bloodline be damned. Hell, I can’t even get the man I want to choose me.
I shove the deprecating thoughts aside, steeling myresolve as I head for the library in search of solace I am not sure I will ever truly find.
Four
Adrien
Real smooth, Adrien. Fucking idiot!
The urge to kick something is strong as I head towards the gym to work on my combat technique. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself because I’m pretty sure I just need to punch something, especially afterthatstrange, fucked up hook up I just shared with Wesley in the janitor’s closet.
I wish I could blame my behavior on his bloodheat, but that’s not entirely true. I mean, yes—his bloodheat drives me fuckingwildin a way I’ve never felt with anyone—even my former male lovers—but it’s just Wesley that makes me feel like this. It’s his perfect, deep voice. It’s how warm and smooth his skin feels against mine when I touch him. It’s the sparkle in his sapphire eyes when he looks at me and flashes that perfect fanged grin that makes me want to drop to my knees.
Wesley James Castor ignites a fire inside of me, and I both love it and hate it at the sametime.
Because I know wanting more with Wesley is dangerous. For both of us. He’s got royal blood, for one, which is problematic itself considering his tumultuous and strained relationship with his mother and brother. But there’s also the reality that being together is a punishable offense—for both of us. And on top of that, I can not bear the thought of being rejected by the man. I’ve been rejected twice already, I am not looking for a trifecta, and while part of me wants to believe Wes would not reject me, that he would, in fact, welcome my love with open arms, I know it’s foolish to give into such flights of fantasy.
Eventually I will have to choose a mate from this stupid fucking academy—find a suitable woman to mate and knock up, since that’s all my noble blood is actually good for, apparently.
My mother doesn’t understand. I don’t desire women. I don’t have the same drive that most vampire males in their late twenties have when it comes to breeding.
Make no mistake, I feel the desire to breed… I just feel that desire for men. My mind wanders to Wesley and his bloodheat. What had started as a periodic hook up during his heats has turned into something so much deeper.
My former lovers were not so keen and accepting of my… preferences. I’d learned early on that I preferred to be the top, that I preferred to be the one breeding them as opposed to them breeding me.
But any sort of dirty talk surrounding my desiresoften left them feeling uncomfortable and as such, things would fizzle out quickly.
But Wesley was different. Because in the midst of his bloodheat, he becomes as possessed as me. The things I say to him as I soak up his bloodheat are not pushed off or ignored. Wes eats it up like candy. He begs for my words, for my cock.
And every time it is better than the last and I fall deeper and deeper into Wesley Castor’s unrelenting sea.
I fear it won’t be long before I drown, and I need to keep my head above water. I need to focus on finding a mate so that I can return home. Problem is, I don’twantsome woman who I don’t have feelings or desires for. Clearly, that worked out so well the first time around.
I push away the thoughts of my first proposal. My parents had arranged for me to meet a woman they insisted was a good match for me. A good match to my parents meant she was young and fertile, and that was all that truly mattered because I was getting dangerously close to being—gasp, twenty-five— which is quite old for a vampire to have not claimed, bonded, or slept with a woman. It was either poor circumstance or the universe’s way of fucking me, because it just so happened the woman my parents were desperate to offer me to was the younger sister of a man I’d been fucking on and off for nearly three months.
He did not take our offer, needless to say, and my parents learned that day just why their only son had remained a bachelor and was making no attempt to find a mate onhis own.
And the second time…
Well, the second time, the vampiress refused me because she did not desire a manlike me.Apparently, my reputation and my penchant for dick had preceded me. My parents did not wish a third rejection, and so they sent me here, to R.I.S.E., as a last resort, hoping that perhaps my exposure to other rejected mates would incite some latent desire and fix theproblem.As if my desires are in fact, a problem, solely for the reason I can’t knock up a vampire, and because I don’twantto.
Make no mistake, I’d love a family of my own some day—with the right man, of course. I know no amount of magic will change nature, but I am not opposed to the idea of getting a cat or maybe a room full of plants. As long as it wasours.
And if that man also desired a woman and children, as much as they desired me, I would not object to that. I would embrace it, if it was what my lovewanted.I know that makes me dishonorable to my kind. As a vampire of noble blood, Ishouldwant a vampiress to carry on my legacy. But all I want is Wesley.
I want his body to be the one I wake up next to, I want his bright eyes to be the first I look for in a room, always. I shove the thoughts away, because if I go down this road, it will only make me angrier. Because when I let myself think of Wesley, without borders and truth, I think thoughts that are quite dangerous.
