I shrug. “I mean, the whole point of the story is she tries to push him away, but he falls in love, anyway.”
“That sounds awful,” he says, but he shifts his position and stretches his arm behind me, not around me, but it makes me smile. I have no idea what is going on here, but I’m not going to fight it.
I eat my last shrimp and move the goblet along with the plate of one cheese stick and four wings to the end table.
Mack kicks his legs out, shaking some messy hair out of his eyes. He watches the movie intently. I curl next to him, my body fitting perfectly against his side.
“This okay?” I ask as I look up at him.
He doesn’t look back at me, just keeps his eyes on the screen.
“If it wasn’t, I’d tell you.”
There’s honesty in his voice, and I keep thinking about what he said earlier.
This is all I can give you right now.
Maybe one day it’ll be different.
Come tomorrow morning, everything will change. Things will go back to the way they were before. All memory of drunken bathroom blowjobs and moments of weakness will be gone like Austen and Savannah on their way to Italy.
I lay my arm across his waist, setting my head on his chest as I curl closer, waiting for him to push me away, but he doesn’t. He shifts so we’re both level and his arm falls over my shoulders. I watch the bright screen as Kate Hudson comes out with her potted plant during Matthew McConaughey’s poker game, screaming about how he let their love fern die. Jordan laughs. A real laugh that rumbles his entire body, and I can’t help but laugh, too.
“Told you,” I say as I close my eyes, exhaustion hitting me. The sound of his heartbeat in my ears, the vibration steady against my cheek, and his fingers stroking my hair lull me into the most comfortable space until I doze off.
“Hey.” I feel him shake me, his voice tinged with sleep.
“Hay is for horses,” I grumble as I blink my eyes open to see the credits rolling.
“Movie’s over,” he says. “Probably should get some sleep.”
I nod, stretching my arms above my head. My neck is all fucked up from sleeping on him in a not so natural position.
“Yeah, you too,” I say as I grab my shoes, watching as he undresses. Part of me wants to stay, but if he wanted me to stay, he wouldn’t have woken me up. And if he didn’t want me to leave, he’d certainly say so.
We’ve already been down that road, so I know not to push things. Like he said, if hewasn’t okay with something I’d know. So, despite wanting to stay, I do as he asks, and I leave.
Once in my hotel room, I slip out of my suit, or what’s left of it, anyway. I crawl into bed alone, but for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel completely alone, and I sleep like a fucking baby.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jordan
When I wake in the morning, I have a pounding headache. One that isn’t entirely from all the alcohol I drank, but from the regret and guilt that’s settled at the base of my neck. I carry that shit in my shoulders, and it fucking sucks.
Of course, this time would be the time I drink a shit ton and remember everything. I’ve had too many nights of drinking and blacking out. But no, last night has to be the exception. All I need are more memories of me and Alex to haunt me and remind me of the one thing that makes me feel normal—that I can’t have.
Or maybe I could have it. What’s actually stopping me?
The guys will give me shit, sure, but I think they’d accept it.
They have issues with Cameron, but it has nothing to do with him being gay and everything to do with him coming across as a stuck up asshole who thinks he’s too good for us. I know that isn’t the truth because I’ve been around as long as he has. We just never clicked like he and Austen did.
My mother would never accept it, but I wouldn’t want Alex to meet her, anyway. She’s nothing but a problem, one I should push out of my life for good. Which will be a lot easier when I graduate, since my plans are to get the hell out of here and away from her.
But outside of what people will think and how they’ll react, could I even put up with Alex? Long term? I guess he’s not so bad when my dick is in his mouth, or when I’m telling him what to do. He’s real quiet then, and that’s tolerable. Though, I wouldn’t like him like that all the time because then he wouldn’t be him. Maybe all he needs is a little attention and someone to keep him in line? I liked what happened between us last night. Fuck, I really liked it.
The relief over knowing that I’m not broken is… indescribable.
