My hands go to Alex’s hips, and I guide him a few steps toward the wall until his back hits it.
“I don’t think sex is the answer,” I say carefully, licking my lips. “It’s not an answer to anything, but I hear it makes you feel better sometimes.”
“You hear?”
I shrug, giving a slight nod. I’m not going to get into it tonight. I’m not going to explain to him that every time I’ve tried to lose myself in sex, it never happened. That once I got out of my teen years, when my dick started acting normal and wasn’t hard for ninety percent of the day, sex was impossible. I couldn’t get hard when I wanted to, and when I did, I couldn’t come.
That’s a conversation for another time. Or maybe never because once I’m sober, these thoughts are difficult.
“Don’t ask.”
His eyes narrow even more, but he nods, for once, doing as I ask without putting up an argument.
I go for the button on his slacks, popping it open. A quick breath leaves him.
“Jordan…”
“Shut up, Alex.”
I unzip his pants to shove my hand inside, finding him hard and needy.
I’ve never touched another man’s dick before. I hardly touch mine nowadays. Yet, something about Alex Brewer makes me want to do these things.
Sliding my hand along his length, I squeeze and release pressure. His head falls back against the wall as he starts to pant.
“Jordan…”
This time when he says my name, it’s out of desperation. Whiney. Needy. It’s no longer a question of what I’m doing, but a plea to keep going.
“This is all I can give you right now,” I say. “But maybe…”
I remove my hand and he whimpers, thumping his head against the wall. I slip my hand into the waistband of his briefs to shove them down to release his dick. He stays perfectly still, the only motion is his chest rising and falling as his rapid breaths come and go. Bringing my hand to my mouth, I lick my fingers, then take his dick in my hand, stroking him better. Faster.
“Oh, fucking hell,” he mutters, eyes falling closed again.
“Look at me,” I growl, pressing my other hand against the wall by his head. His eyes pop open. “Watch me,” I tell him.
I need to see in his eyes that I’m doing this right.
He blinks a few times, but his eyes stay on me, glossed over from a mix of pleasure and alcohol. Alex isn’t going to regret this tomorrow and I hope like hell I don’t either. I wish it was so simple. To just say it’s okay and go with it. Because this? Nothing has ever felt like this before. If only I were a stronger man, I could choose to not care what people think and just be me, but that’s not who I am. I’m not that strong, despite what people think about me. I came from a weak man and so I was destined to be a weak man. I just put on a better show.
“Maybe one day things can be different,” I finally say.
“Jordan, fuck—”
I squeeze him, my thumb sliding over his leaking slit. I like the way he feels in my hand. Familiar but different. His dick pulses, and I jerk him faster, knowing he’s close. It has my dick hard all over again.
Flashes of him on his knees for me in the bathroom go through my head and my dick aches, needing his mouth on me again. I will have that before the night is over.
“Am I going to make you come, Alex?” I taunt.
“Yes,” he whimpers. “Fuck yes, I’m so close.” His voice is desperate, and I can’t deny that I like the wayit sounds.
“I want to come,” he whines. His eyes screw shut and his entire body tenses. “I want—”
“Come for me, Alex,” I growl as I lean in, dragging my nose along his neck. He tilts his head, giving me more space and I latch onto his skin, sucking it into my mouth before biting down.
“Fuck!” he cries out, his dick throbbing as he explodes.
