What the fuck am I doing?
Maggie sneaks under my arm, practically sitting on my lap. I feel Alex staring daggers at me, but I can’t look at him anymore.
This is wrong. I should put a stop to it. It’s not even that I like it. I just… I don’t know. I can’t think straight.
Maggie throws her arms around my neck and kisses my check, then leans in to kiss my lips.
“How about we go play some games?” Alex says, his voice an octave too high. He sounds cheerful enough, but I detect the disdain.
I know Alex better than either of the girls.
I know Alex better than a lot of people.
“Great idea,” I blurt and get to my feet, holding Maggie steady because I almost knock her over as I do.
She giggles as I help her to her feet. Her cheeks are red, and that drink is definitely hitting her. If only mine would work on me.
We toss the trash on the way over to the games. Maggie’s hands are all over me, while Alex’s eyes are burning everywhere else. I can’t catch a break, and I think I’m going to have a panic attack any second.
The girls decide they want to do the water gun race, so I pay for them to do that and stand to the side.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Alex growls, his voice low and full of pain. Pain I’m the cause of.
I’m not sure what to say, so I just stare forward. This is all wrong. It’s fucked up. I don’t want any of this. I shouldn’t have agreed to do this date in the first place.
There’s nothing wrong with Maggie. She’s pretty, she’s sweet, she would make a perfect wife for someone. Just… not me. I don’t know how I ended up in this seventh circle of hell. Everything feels wrong. It’s always felt wrong, but with Alex beside me, it feels worse. So much worse. I used to be able to tolerate all of this, but now every time she touches me my skin crawls, and every word, every kiss, feels like another nail in my coffin. Another reminder that she isn’thim.
I can’t say I want the same things I have with Maggie with Alex, because the thought of him touching me in front of all these people has my throat itchy, but Maggie isn’t making me feel any better.
“Jordan,” he hisses, and I finally bring myself to look at him.
“I don’t fucking know,” I answer back quietly.
“Oh, you don’t know?” He huffs out a humorless laugh. “Maybe you should ask your girlfriend to help you figure it out.” The venom in his voice is unmistakable.
I should argue with him. I should tell him this is all his fault. He’s the one who made the plans in the first place. I warned him, and he said it was fine. This is his doing.
Clenching my jaw, I turn my attention back to the girls. The game is done, and neither of them won. Maggie whines as she gets up and comes back over to me, putting her arms around my waist and her head on my chest. Alex scoffs and walks away, his entire demeanor shifting. I watch as he pouts and tells Kearstin he’ll play the game and get her the little teddy bear she had her sights on.
I watch as he straddles the stool, his shoulders arching as he sets his gaze on the target. When the bell rings, he hits it spot on. Without any wavering, he keeps the stream steady until the race horse marker hits the finish and the bell sounds.
He smiles as he hands her the bear, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
How would I feel if the tables were turned? If I saw Alex and Kearstin with their hands all over each other? I’d be furious. I know that. I’m not saying Alex is in the wrong, I just… can’t do anything about it.
There’s a picnic table not too far from the games, so I take a seat over there while the girls keep playing games and Alex mopes around, not staying too far away from them. I’m not sure how long this goes on for, but it feelslike seconds before Maggie comes over and sits on my lap, resting her head on my shoulder.
“You should come over tonight,” she says as she leans in to kiss my jaw.
It feels so much better when Alex does it.
“Jordan,” Alex snaps, and I glance up to meet his gaze. “Your girlfriend asked you something.”
My brow furrows, and I look at Maggie.
“I’m sorry. What?”
“I asked if you’d rather me go to your place. It’s been a while since I’ve been there.”
