But of course, that’s wishful thinking.
I need to remember he’s not mine. He’s never been mine.
But what if…
Whatifhe picks me?
He won’t. Don’t kid yourself.
“Alright,” he says, tapping me on my back. “Time’s up, Alex.”
I get up, noticing how close he is. I freeze, noticing the way he’s looking at me.
“What?” I ask as I slide off the table.
“You sure you’re okay?” He narrows his eyes.
I force a smile. “Peachy, baby.”
He stiffens at my words, and it’s like a knife in my chest.
“I’ll see you tonight. At the carnival,” I say.
He nods, but he’s still quite close.
Close enough I could kiss him. My gaze drifts to his lips, knowing how badly I want to.
I haven’t kissed him anywhere except at home. On his property.
Because it’s a line he can’t cross.
Can’t or won’t?
At home, he can be himself. Out here, in the real world he has to be someone else. I know what that’s like, so it shouldn’t hurt as much as it does.
But God, does it fucking hurt.
There’s still a part of me that wishes I could kiss him here. That I could take him out for ice cream and kiss him in the parking lot. That we could go on a single date. Together. That I could hold his hand where everyone could see. That we could just… be together. For real.
Don’t go there, Alex. You won’t like the outcome.
“Sounds good,” he says.
He walks me to the door, and just as I leave, he grabs my wrist.
“You sure you’re okay with this?” he asks. His palm against my skin is warm, but before I can process the touch, it’s gone.
He steps back.
“Of course,” I say with a smile. “It’s going to be great!”
This is going to be absolute hell.
Chapter Forty-Five
Jordan
I figured this double date would be better with us being around a ton of people. Seems I was wrong. The crowd is stressing me out. There are people everywhere, yelling and screaming, and it’s doing nothing to distract me from the anxiety I have over being with my girlfriendandmy… whatever the fuck Alex is.
