“Just for you,” he repeats. Normally he’s all sarcastic or cocky, confident. But beneath my grip, all that disappears and now he’s someone else.
“Onlyfor me.”
“Only for you!”
I slide my hand up to his throat again, and when he pushes against me, I know he wants more. So I give it to him. I cut off his airway again, until he’s clawing at me to release. This time, I hold it for three seconds before letting go. When I do, he whines, long and low, and my hand fills with his cum. Listening to him lose it, while he comes in my hand, sends me over the edge. The orgasm hits me out of nowhere, my knees shaking as I slam into him one last time, the pleasure blinding me.
I can hardly hold myself up, so I guide Alex down, then lie beside him, letting my dick slide out.
The room is filled with our heavy breathing, and I pull Alex close to me, kissing his shoulder, his neck, and then turning his head because I need his lips.
“That was so good,” I tell him with a disbelieving laugh.
He laughs back, low and huskily. “So good.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Alex
There have been two times in my life that I knew I well and truly fucked up.
The first was when Vance took out my fucking knee, and the second was about ten minutes ago. When Jordan flipped the switch.
I should have known that he’d fuck me until my brain melted, which is exactly what happened the minute he told me I was doingso good.
My heart’s still racing, even though he’s fast asleep. It won’t stop beating like a freight train as I stare at him, moonlight pouring in from the window and flooding over his perfect body. There’s no sound but that of his steady breathing and my racing heartbeat.
This is going to hurt when it ends. Because it will end. It has to. I have to go home, eventually. Back to PA.Back to the Rioters. Back to my life, whatever that is. Whatever it was, I don’t remember. My life was full of so much darkness before I found my way back here. With him. But I’m not Jordan’s end game, even if I wish I was.
What we did is wrong. So fucking wrong. But nothing has ever felt so fucking right. No one has ever felt so fucking right. Part of me wants to get up and leave this bed, if only to soften the blow of what I know is coming.
The morning after.
The fall.
But I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here forever.
I push back the tears that want to escape, knowing they’ll do no good.
Only you.
I’m not sure he understands the depth of those words, their truth lost in the haze of sex.
But he’s always been the only man I’ve ever truly wanted.
And now…
I get up, careful not to wake him. It’s not late by any means, but he has to get up early, and I need to do something to ease my mind of the racing thoughts. Thoughts I don’t want to poison what was by far the hottest fuck of my life. I pull on my shorts, not bothering with underwear. I’ll shower in the morning.
The living room light is still bright, and I stare up at the chandelier’s ornate vines and shards of glass. It reallyis stunning amidst all the dark wood paneling and the backdrop of the red cabinets.
I pad over to the kitchen and pull out a piece of cold pizza from the box left on the counter before I put the box in the fridge. I clean up our plates, busying myself with the motions. I need to stay moving, even though I’m fucking exhausted. If I stop, I’ll feel the pain, and for the first time in my life, I don’t want to feel it.
A grunt pulls me from my thoughts just as I’m finishing up wiping the counter.
“Hey,” Jordan mumbles sleepily. “You okay?” He rubs his eyes, his body shifting closer to mine.
“Mhmm,” I say. “Go back to sleep.”
