“No thanks,” he says, not meeting my eyes.
“I have non-alcoholic stuff, you know. We don’t need a repeat of the last time we got drunk together.”
His head snaps up, eyes meeting mine.
Why the hell did I say that?
Because I’m an asshole, I guess.
“Water is fine.”
I walk around the couch and head into the kitchen that’s just off the living room. It’s spacious and unused, like the rest of this place. I grab two bottles of water from the fridge and look through the cabinet for a snack. I will order pizza, but I could use a snack too. I love sushi, but it never fills me up.
When I get back to the living room, I hand him the bottle of water and drop the box of Cheez-its on the couch between us. He’s messing with his phone.
“What’s the address here?” he asks. I raise a brow as I open my water. “So I can order pizza.”
“Oh, right.” I ramble off the address to him and he orders a pizza from the place down the street. Since he already has it pulled up, arguing with him over doing it will be a waste of time.
“Will we have to go down and get it?” he asks.
“Nah, the front desk will bring it up.”
“Fancy,” he mutters.
Yeah, things are still awkward as we sit here, watching a movie we watched a hundred times as kids, while we wait for our pizza.
“I’m sorry for what I said,” I say when I can no longer take the silence. Austen looks at me, frowning. “About being drunk last time. I’m sorry. I’m just… I feel like I don’t know how to do this with you, and I’m still kind of angry.”
“I don’t know what we’re even doing, Cam.”
“I think we’re just trying to be friends…”
“Yeah, but… it shouldn’t be so weird, right?”
I shrug, taking another mouthful of my water. “Might be normal after what happened.”
“Do you…” He pauses, licking his lips. “Do you regret it?”
Do I regret it? It’s not the first time I’ve thought about that question.
“You know, I asked myself that same thing a million times over the years.”
“And?”
“Yes, I do.”
Austen flinches, but then nods.
“But only because it ruined everything, and a drunken night and messy blowjob is not worth losing what we had. I mean, look at us.” I throw my hands up and let them fall to my lap. “This isn’t us. And I don’t know how to go back to being us.”
“I don’t think we can,” he says softly.
It’s silent for a bit, the TV playing in the background but I’m mostly drowning it out. I feel like the longer he’s here, the more awkward it gets and that’s not how I wanted this to go.
“What about you?” I ask. “Do you regret it?”
Austen opens his mouth to speak, but there’s a knock on my door. We both look that way, but I get up and go to it, accepting the pizza when it’s offered to me. I take it to the kitchen to grab plates and napkins before going back to the living room. I set everything up on the coffee table, and then we eat. We finish the movie, and there’s only two slices of the pizza left.
