“Just give me the ticket.”
With a sigh, I dig in my pocket and hand one over. A moment later, he’s giving me my drink.
“One Knob Creek and cranberry.” He says it like it disgusts him and I can’t help but laugh.
I hold it up in cheers before taking a sip, grateful there isn’t an ounce of cranberry in it.
“Thanks.”
“Any time.” He winks, then moves to the other end of the bar to take someone else’s order. He glances my way before I walk off. At least if tonight goes as badly as I think it will, there’salways the bartender. Casual hook-ups and one night stands are my specialty as of late. They’re easy.
As I make my way toward the tables, looking for an empty one, the lights come on and the music shuts off.
“Thank you, thank you!” someone says into the microphone too loudly. Their voice is high-pitched and something only a mother could love. They laugh, apologizing, then say, “We’re going to take a little breather from the music and dancing.” Some people moan and groan about this. “Oh, don’t be like that! It’ll be back on after we eat. For now, catch up with your fellow classmates! Food will be delivered in thirty minutes!”
I take my seat and watch as the people who were just dancing disperse. Some go to the bar while others form small groups to chat. Glad I’m safely at a table while that all happens. No one pays me any mind as they chat with willing participants. People who want to be here to catch up with past friends and not because they live to torture themselves.
I sip my drink, happy to be alone. With each second that passes, the urge to leave gets stronger.I have no idea why I’m here.
Here at the reunion. Here in town. Here in this God forsaken state. I haven’t been back here once, since I left. There’s no one here that I want to see, no one that I want to talk to.
Yet, here I am…
This town is a sports town. Aman’stown. It’s not the kind of town you get to be your true self in. It’s the kind of town that you become the worst version of yourself, putting on a show for people who don’t and never will fucking matter.
I played the game when I was younger, for longer than I’d like to admit. I told myself I never stopped being me on the inside and that’s all that mattered. Only, that isn’t true at all. It’s the lie everyone tells themself until they lose themselves to the act. I leftbefore that happened. I thoughthedid too, but turns out I was very wrong about that.
The thing about these towns, though, is that these manly men who chop down trees and dig holes and build barns secretly like getting railed in the ass. And I know that because I was around long enough to do it. Being in a small town never stopped me from getting any, and at the time, it was exactly what I needed to keep my mind off the one thing, the only thing, I ever wanted.
“Cameron?”
I blink, glancing up instinctively at the sound of my name. I’m met with sharp blue eyes and a confused smile. A smile I was often on the other end of. A smile that I thought was just for me once upon a time. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’talla lie. I shouldn’t tell myself things like that; I shouldn't give myself hope. It’s dangerous.
“Austen,” I say as evenly as I can, fighting away the knot in my stomach. I drown it with a big swig of whiskey.
I can’t remember the last time I spoke his name. Probably the last day I saw him. The day of his wedding. The day he absolutely wrecked me. Betrayed me. Ruined my life. Ruinedme.
“I didn’t know you were going to be here,” he says, that same confused smile on his face.
I play chalant, as well as I can, and shrug before taking another sip.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t have anything else to do tonight.”
“When did you get into town?”
So he knows I wasn’t here.
How stupid am I? Of course he knows. I’ve been gone for seven years. When he showed up at my house, thatone single time, my mother told him I was gone and she didn’t know where I’d gone. That was the truth. I didn’t tell her. What was the point? It’s not like she gave a shit what I was up to.
“This morning.”
“Are you staying?” he asks too quickly.
Like maybe he really wants to know. Is it because he wants me to stay or because he’s worried about it? No, he doesn’t want me to stay, and even if he did, it doesn’t matter. He destroyed me—us. Who we were once upon a time.
“Don’t know yet.”
“We should—”
