I go through the motions, but that rush of excitement, that race of adrenaline is missing. It’s not that I’m happy to show up on a scene—some are absolutely devastating, or even terrifying—but I’m the happy-go-lucky guy. The constant that others depend on for my optimistic outlook. When a rookie encounters their first catastrophe, I’m the one they count on to help guide them through it, keep them focused on the task, provide levity, and prevent them from spiraling out.
It’s exactly what I’ve been doing for Lucy. When she gets overwhelmed and lost in her thoughts, I step in, distract her. Every skill I’ve honed on the job, I’ve been able to use with her and her boys. It’s as though I’ve spent my entire career, my entire life, preparing to be theirs. I’ve fallen for her and her boys, and even though the boys aren’t mine, even if she can’t give me my own, I want to be in their life, be a father to them, love them as much as I love their mom.
For the first time in my life, there is something more important to me than fighting fires. Someone. Three someones.
“O’Connor! Get your ass over here,” Chief yells, and I hustle over, trying to clear my thoughts and focus on the task at hand.
“What are we looking at?”
Stress lines crease Chief Sawyer’s face as he fills me in. “Two cars collided going around the bend, the northbound vehicle overcorrected and struck the guardrail so hard, it teetered on the edge of the cliff. The driver was able to bail before the vehicle went over and the impact caused an explosion.Another car rear-ended the southbound car while taking the turn too fast. Rescue is transporting victims, no casualties. At this point, we’re trying to contain the fire from the impact since it landed in the brush. We’ve got a crew at the bottom of the hill and one up here hitting it from all sides. Wildland Fire Patrol is down there dousing the surrounding area to block it off and keep it from spreading, and they’ve got choppers on the way. They’re trying to contain it to this area, but the trees are dense in spots so it could be dicey getting it to stay isolated. We’re going to be here all night.”
“Feckin’ hell.”
“We could use some of your uplifting spirit right now. I’ve got a rookie already freaking out.”
“Who? RJ?”
“Nah, the other one. Shit, what’s his actual name? I’m so used to calling him Sparky.”
“Aye, Reggie,” I say.
“Yeah, that’s it. Can you go check on him at the bottom and fill in if he needs a breather? That truck should be full. The crew from Longmont just relieved engine 2 so they can go back and refill. I got a couple more on the way to swap out once the tanks are dry since we don’t have access to water up here.”
“Aye, Chief.”
I hitch a ride from one of the cruisers on the scene and make my way down to the bottom of the cliffside. Once I get Sparky settled, I step in to help.
It’s hours before we’re even making progress and morale is low, and I’m feckin’ useless to change that for once in my life. It feels like I’ve lost everything I ever wanted in one night, and pushing through the emotional pain and physical exhaustion is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
By the time the sun comes up, we’ve had several other towns send replacement engines, and it’s finally starting to feel like we might get this under control. Another round ofchoppers shows up a couple hours after daybreak, and the fire lines the Wildland crew dug out seem to be holding.
All I want to do is climb into Lucy’s bed, hold her, and get some rest.
I’m so wrapped up in my thoughts that I lose sight of Sparky.
“Hey, Blaze! Have you seen Sparky?”
Jesus Christ, all these nicknames make us sound like cartoon characters. Normally, I’d crack a joke about that, but now all I can think about is watchingBlueywith Lucy orPaw Patrolwith the boys.
“He was going to refuel. Something about a snack? I dunno.”
The hairs on the back of my neck prickle. When rookies start, I like to learn about them, especially when I’m making their meals in case they have any allergies. Didn’t he tell me he was diabetic? If my head was on straight, I’d have remembered this and looked after him better.
I do a quick scan of the area, calling out his name, and don’t see him. “When did you see him last?”
“Kinda busy here, man. I’m not keeping tabs on probies,” Blaze calls back.
Something’s not right, and I race over to the truck so I can radio up to the incident commander. When I climb in the cab, the sight of boots in the back seat sets my mind at ease.
“Hey, Sparky, you okay?” I reach over the seat and tap his shoulder, but he doesn’t respond. “Sparky?” I tap harder. Nothing. I spring into action, climbing over the seat and checking his airway, relieved to find it clear and find him breathing on his own as I take his pulse.
I radio in for rescue, and it doesn’t take long for Hardy to pull up with the ambulance.
We work in silence as we get Sparky loaded into the back of the vehicle. I chew on my lip as I decide what to say to Hardy. Do I ask about Lucy? Send her a message through him?
“What’s up with you? Everything okay up here? It’s been quiet down at the station.”
“I think we’ve finally got it nearly contained.”
