“That I’m your favorite? Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” She winks, and I laugh, thankful for her ability to bring levity to any situation.
“That, and that I might be falling for Mike.”
“Good, because that man is so gone for you and your little boys.”
I blink at her as my mouth drops slightly in shock. “What? When? How?”
“Who? Where? Why?” She laughs. “Sorry, were we not naming all the W questions?”
I teasingly smack her arm, but I can’t stifle the giggle at her antics.
“As I was saying, that man is gone for you. He’s always looked at you with such longing. And he brings you up all the time to Hardy.”
“Oh God, does Hardy know about the list?” My gut twists at the possibility.
“No. I don’t think so. I didn’t tell him. I doubt Mike did. Besides, if Hardy knew about the list, that horny little firefighter would want to make one for us to do too. So that’s how I know he doesn’t know.” She folds her arms over her chest, proud of herself.
“That’s oddly good logic. Raven would be proud.”
Bella smiles. “Hardy says Mike talks about you and the boys all the time. Like when he’s cooking for the crew, he’ll muse over whether you’d like his dish or not. They’ll be out on a call, and he’ll see a kid who looks like Micah and talk about how much he likes Pokémon. Or when someone says a curse word, Hardy will catch Mike looking around like he’s worried Levi will hear it and repeat it. And Hardy pointed out that Mike curses less, and when asked about it, he just shrugged and said he was trying to cut it out because of the boys. You don’t do all that for just a hookup.”
I cover my mouth with my hand, blinking back the tears that want to fall. “He did all that? How come he didn’t say anything?”
“He probably knew you weren’t ready. You’ve been very clear about what you wanted. I think he was afraid to scare you off.”
“I am scared,” I admit. “Scared of how well he fits in with us. He looks and acts like he’s part of our family already. He’s up there tucking them in like a dad would.” I gesture to the stairs.
Bella smiles. “I love this for all of you.”
“Oh God, I’m going to have to tell him.” I look at the stairs to make sure we’re still alone.
“About—”
I nod. Bella is the only one who knows. “I think it’s time. He needs to know now before this gets any more serious.”
“I’ve seen the way he cares about you and the boys. I don’t think he’s going to care.”
“He’s mentioned wanting a family. Lots of kids, a whole clan of them to carry on his family name. It was important to his Ma.”
A tear slips down my cheek, and Bella wipes it before I realize it’s there.
“Then he deserves to know. I still don’t think it’ll change how he feels about you.”
“This is why I wanted to keep it casual. Just sex.”
“I don’t think it was ever just sex for him.”
I can’t stop the train wreck of thoughts from spilling out, and before I know it, I’m confessing everything to Bella. “Of course I fall for the one man I can’t have. The one man that wants something I can’t give him. I don’t think my heart can handle it if he walks away from this. How did I let it get this far? Why do I have the worst fucking luck in the world?”
“We make our own luck,” Bella insists.
“You might. I’m over here wishing on rainbows and knocking on all the wood I can find.” Bella starts to open her mouth. “Don’t,” I warn, a small smirk on my face.
Bella holds up her hands, letting my unintentional innuendo slide. “You of all people know the shit show my life was and how far I’ve come, and that didn’t happen from luck. I’m not lucky because I have a hot man in my life who loves me and my kid. I mean, weget lucky.” She laughs to herself. “But having a supportive partner isn’t what makes me lucky. We’ve all had bad shit happen to us. But I’ve become an expert at squeezing those lemons.”
“Is that a sex thing?”
She breaks out into laughter. “What? No! It’s a metaphor. Not everything that comes out of my mouth is balls and dicks. Sometimes it’s wisdom.”
