Me: I’ve had enough vagina tonight.
Raven: Ummm, I’m gonna need you to elaborate.
Me: Enough vagina talk. Not actual vagina.
Bella: Is Micah still talking about BAGINAS?
Me: Yes. Thanks for that.
Summer: What is happening now?
Bella: During story time yesterday, one of the kids gave us a full lesson on private parts before I could stop him. It was worse than the fart that stopped class for thirty minutes last fall! Micah was particularly fascinated by the topic though.
Me: I could hear your entire class laughing during fartpocalypse.
Summer: But did you hear the fart?
Me: No, just the fallout.
Raven: I don’t know how you two do it. I love my kids, and all of yours, but that’s my limit. There’s no way I could put up with a bunch of tiny humans all day at work.
Summer: Can we circle back to the meaty man?
Bella: Yes!
Me: Can we not? I love you guys, but I have terrible luck when it comes to dating.
Summer: That’s why we are intervening!
Bella: We know what you like. We’ll find you a good one.
Raven: She likes firefighters, that’s all she talks about ever since that calendar came out.
Bella: I’m pretty partial to Mr. December.
Raven: We know.
Summer: Which firefighter are you partial to, Lucy?
Raven: To which are you partial?
Bella: Nobody cares about grammar in DMs, Raven.
Raven: Sorry, old habits die hard when you stare at newspaper copy all day.
Bella: Hey ladies, what’s black and white and read all over?
Raven: That joke only works when you say it out loud because read is a homophone for red.
Bella: I wasn’t gonna say a newspaper.
Summer: What were you going to say?
Bella: A sunburnt penguin.
Raven:
Bella: That killed with the kindergartners.
