Could I embarrass myself even further with that ridiculously hot man? Yes, of course I could. I was determined not to go back into the coffee shop, so I ended up bringing alternative beverages to today’s playdate.
Since it’s too cold to play outside, and none of us wanted to drag all the kids into Denver, we end up at Raven’s house. It’s the only one large enough to fit our gaggle of children.
“So how did the date go?” Summer asks.
We all stare at her in shocked amusement.
“What? What am I missing?” she asks.
“Read the room.” Raven chuckles as she crosses her arms over her chest.
“Bad, I take it?”
Bella nods. “Bad doesn’t even begin to cover it.”
“Sorry. I’ve been locked up in the house dodging the flu from my kids,” Summer says.
We all rear back, pushing our chairs away from the table like she has the plague. And considering how bad the flu has been this season, it’s not an inaccurate assessment.
“Did you bring your sick kids to our playdate?” Raven asks. She’s always been the no-nonsense one in our group, andI’m thankful she’s not afraid to say what I’m thinking but would never voice.
“I would never.” Summer puts a hand to her chest as though she’s offended by the accusation. “You think I’m going to risk all of us like that? I’ve had the flu shot and so have most of my kids, but you know how hard it is with Logan. Between his diabetes and egg allergy, it’s nearly impossible to get him a flu shot. He’s the one that got it, and I was able to isolate the other kids and Lysol the crap out of everything. We’ve been flu-free for over a week now, so we’re all good.”
“So calm your tits, ladies,” Bella adds, gesturing for us to take our seats.
I place a hand on Summer’s arm. “Sorry, we didn’t mean to be assholes about it, but I’ve seen playgroups dissolve over less, and I would be devastated if I lost you all over something like that.”
“We would never let that happen,” Bella adds. “You all are stuck with my awkward ass. I don’t think I could make new friends if I tried.”
“Agreed. Why is making friends so fucking hard in your thirties?” I ask.
“I don’t want to lose you all either. Though I could do with a little less swearing around the kids,” Summer adds, looking between me and Bella.
“They can’t hear us. I can barely hear myself over all that racket they’re making,” Raven says, taking a sip of her wine.
“Oh my God, why would you say that out loud? You’ll jinx us,” I whine.
“Please tell me you don’t buy into that magic-is-real bullshit. Jinxes aren’t real, they’re just a tactic moms use to get their kids to shut up for five minutes,” Raven says into the rim of her cup.
“I’m parenting wrong, because that is brilliant.” I stuff a Goldfish cracker in my mouth.
“You just trick them into saying a common phrase, say it atthe same time as them, call jinx, and they can’t speak again until you say their name. It buys me at least five minutes every time,” Raven explains.
Bella nods. “I got Isaac to be quiet for two whole hours once.”
“That doesn’t count, he was probably an only child then. They’ll be quiet for hours,” Summer says.
“Accurate.” Bella pops a couple fruit snacks in her mouth. “Loving this charchoochie spread by the way.” She laughs. “Coochie spread. I love the way you spread your coochie on this plate.”
Normally, I’d be laughing at Bella’s typical perverted word vomit, but Levi takes that moment to run into the room.
“Coochie!” Levi parrots as he climbs on my lap, using me as a booster to grab the snacks he wants off the tray. I put on my sternest face because I’m the adult and this kid repeats every word he hears. If he sees me laugh at his antics, it will only encourage him to repeat it more. But fuck, do I want to laugh.
Bella gives me an apologetic look. “Charcuterie. Can you say char-coo-ter-ee, Levi?” Bella asks. I giggle at her attempted recovery.
“Cooter!” Levi says around a mouthful of fruit snacks.
Somehow this has gone from comically bad to worse, and we all trade glances, trying not to be the first to break into laughter.
