“I’ll get the diapers!” Micah shouts like the helpful oldest child he is, and I follow Levi as he runs to the ice cream cooler.
I’m not five steps behind the kid, but he’s already opened the freezer door and has climbed halfway inside by the time I reach him.
“Whoa there, buddy, you can’t climb in there like that,” I say, hoisting him out of the freezer as I slide him onto my hip.
“Yes, I can, it was easy.”
Oh, how I love kid logic. We have minutes till the store closes, and my patience is running thin. Micah would never question a rule like that. Levi thinks they’re meant to be tested. Why is it always the second-born?
“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”
Then he asks me the question every parent hates most when trying to corral an unruly child.
“Why?” Levi fidgets in my arms as I grab the Fudgsicles.
Because you could get hurt. Because you could break something that I can’t afford to fix. Because it’s not safe. Because I don’t want anyone to think I’m a shit parent because you won’t behave in public.“Because I said so.”
“But why?”
“Do you want the Fudgsicle or not?” I ask, setting him down.
“Got the diapers!” Micah exclaims as he walks up.
“I don’t wear diapers!” Levi argues.
“They’re Pull-Ups,” I say, trying to quell their impending sibling fight.
“Look like diapers to me.” Micah hands me the package. Thank goodness they’re the right size, but they’re pink and covered in princesses.
“Those are for girls!” Levi squeals.
“Are not!” Micah argues.
“Are too.” Levi balls his fists and stomps his foot.
“Anyone can wear pink, just like anyone can wear blue. But if you don’t want these characters, we can pick out different ones.”
Micah shakes his head. “They only had these in his size.”
“I don’t want princess Pull-Ups!” Levi whines, and I know we have about thirty seconds before we are in full-blown meltdown territory.
“Let’s go check to see if they have anything else.” I scoop up Levi, and we walk down the aisle.
Micah was right; the only Pull-Ups close to Levi’s size are the princess ones. He’s pretty big for his age, and the smaller ones don’t fit him. “Can we do these tonight, Levi? They’re all out of everything else. Or you can wear underwear?”
Levi thrashes in my arms. “I don’t want to wear underwear!” He’s loud enough to make a scene if anyone is left in the store with us.
“Hold on, I have an idea.” I hoist Levi higher on my hip and walk over to the adult diaper section. Quickly scanningthe shelf, I spot a pair of extra-small adult diapers and praise the heavens when I see that it includes his weight in the range on the package. “How about these, buddy? No princesses, they’re plain white, and they should fit you.”
He takes the package out of my hand and inspects it closely. My back protests and I set him down on the ground as he hugs the package against his chest and yawns.
“Are those diapers for grown-ups?” Micah asks, looking at one of the packages on the shelf.
“No diapers, I want Pull-Ups!” Levi shouts as he throws the diapers on the floor.
I swing my head toward Micah as I mouth the word “Why?” at him. He shrugs his shoulders, giving me a sheepish look, and when I turn back to Levi, he’s gone.
“Levi!” I shout as I take off down the aisle, rounding the endcap when I run smack into another fucking wall.
