I watched her carefully from my seat, slightly in shock because Gia wasnota crier. She’d done it once after Prince William got married to Kate Middleton, and then again when my dad died. She saved her tears for big things.
That was what she always said.
“Sorry.” She sniffled loudly and hastily wiped her nose. “Ugh. Gross.”
“What is it, Gia? What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong. I—I’m just happy for you and all your sappy love potential.”
Unbuckling her seatbelt, she climbed out of the car and I followed her, a pointed look on my face that communicated I didn’t buy that.
She waved me off. “We can talk about it later, I promise.”
“Are you sure? I’ve had all this drama going on, but if something’s up with you, I want you to tell me. You know that, right? The guys are great and all, but you come first.”
“And I love you for that.” As she unlocked the door to let us in, she gave me a wobbly smile over her shoulder. “I swear I’m good. Just happy for you, really.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, not crossing the threshold into our apartment.
She sighed, resigned herself to my stubbornness, and waved me inside. “Fine. I’ll tell you in here.”
We sat down on the couch together. Legs crossed, facing each other the way we usually did.
Gia took my hands in hers and started talking. “You really scared me after the accident. And I got it. With how much you loved your dad, and what happened…”
She gave a little shrug and shook her head, like everything that followed wasn’t as important. But when I squeezed her hands and nodded, she released a heavy breath.
“I promised myself I’d support you no matter what, but there were times when you just seemed so lost, and I didn’t know how to help you. I worried I might lose you. The longer it went where you drifted, going through the motions, without having any hope for the future. You know?”
I nodded, remembering how it had felt back then.
I’d known how much I’d been scaring her, but I hadn’t been able to see past my grief. When the worst was behind me, I hadn’t been able to face it—the things I’d considered at the lowest time in my life—or how they would’ve made the person who was still there, and who loved me, feel.
It had been too much.
Gia never made me face it, either. She never put her feelings on me because she saw everything. She knew how hard I wasfighting, even when I couldn’t let her in and share the weight of what I was going through.
But I should’ve acknowledged it long before now.
I gripped her hands tighter and pulled her toward me, wrapping my arms around her shoulders to hug her.
“I’m really sorry, Gia.”
She sniffled, exaggerating a groan over her emotions in my ear. When she released a soft laugh, I pulled back to look her in the eyes as I said what I should’ve said then.
“You have been and always will be too good for this world. Too good for everything in it. I don’t know what I would’ve done during that time if I hadn’t had you, and I should’ve acknowledged what that was like for you. How hard it must’ve been to see me like that. How hard you fought to stay strong for me while I fought what felt like a bigger battle in my head.” Emotion clogged my throat. “Because if it hadn’t been for the way you’d stayed, quietly standing behind me, I don’t know if I’d be here right now. You were…the light. In that impossible darkness, you gave me hope. The whole time. And I’m sorry you had to do it, all while worrying that you might lose me.”
She squeezed my hands tighter.
“But you could never lose me—I’mneverlost—as long as I have you.”
Scrunching her face to keep tears at bay, she jerked a nod. Her voice wobbled when she finally cleared her throat and spoke. “I love you, okay?”
“I love you, too. And no matter what happens with them, I’m going to be okay, and I’m not going to leave your side unless I have no control over it.”
“For some activities, it’s really best if you do.” She sniffled, her hazel eyes shining as she smirked.
“True.” I laughed. “Metaphorically speaking, then. I won’t leave you. And you come first. Always. If I had to choose…well,they better hope I never have to, or they’ll need to make peace with where they fall on the list.”
