Because his truth?
Itfuckingsucked.
When Kingston knelt in front of the stone, I knelt behind him, wanting to give him a moment but needing to be close. He bowed his head, and quiet minutes passed before he straightened and turned to face me. Shifting so our bodies were side by side, he took my hands.
“For years, Landon and I lived in a dark place and learned terrible secrets about the way our world worked. But through it all, whenever we felt lost or scared, it was each other’s hands we found in the dark. Landon is, and always has been, my best friend. The first person who showed me what it felt like to not be alone, who understood me, and who wanted me beside him for something more than who my family was. Over time, denying that became impossible. It was intangible, but the first thing in my life that wasreal. Something that didn’t need words, but that was, somehow, still stronger than all this. Until…I madea mistake I couldn’t take back, and when his mother tried to protect him, my father learned the truth.”
My throat constricted as another thought occurred to me, but I waited to voice it.
“Landon doesn’t remember how or why, or when we became tied to each other, but he knowswe are. He made me promise not to tell him anything about the past, and I’ve kept that promise. I’vechosento keep it. But with his memory gone, he doesn’t remember what we were…not in here.” He tapped his temple, and my gaze fell to his chest right before he said, “Sometimes, like when he followed my plan for the Knights’ Quorum, I think it’s because he remembers here.” And he touched his heart. “But I don’t know, and I can’t ask him.”
“Kingston…” Words lodged in my throat as tears filled my eyes, and even though I didn’t want the answer, I had to ask. “Landon’s memory loss...?”
He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, as if steeling himself for what he was about to say. “That happened because I paid the price for showing the world who I?—”
But he shook his head and released a heavy breath, his head bowing under the weight of everything he carried.
“It’s okay…” Tears fell freely down my cheeks, and I buried my face in Kingston’s shirt, clutching tightly as I fought to catch my breath. When I finally lifted my head, he swiped his thumb across my cheeks. “I-I think he does remember. Whether he remembers all of it, on some level, he knows. He said it to me. He’s yours, too.”
His features tightened. “But, deep down, I know he’s not. Not like he was. Not anymore. And that’s—” His voice broke before he lifted his chin and spoke again. “That’s why I had to say goodbye, so that whatever happens next, I could accept it and move forward.”
“But Kingston?—”
He held my face in his hands, his gaze fierce. “It’s alright, love. I promise.”
I didn’t know how long we knelt there, holding each other.
When he finally released me, he ran a hand through his hair. He stared between me and the tombstone before turning back to me, lifting his shoulders again, like he didn’t know if everything he’d shared was enough. But, again, it was all he had.
“Earlier, you said when you had to consider telling Landon the truth, you facedtwoproblems. The threat of your father, and…Was the other how Landon will feel, or how he might respond, when his memories return?”
“Yes.”
“What are you afraid might happen to him?”
He closed his eyes, exhaling through his nose before rising to his feet. Holding out his hand to me, he waited for me to take it. Then he helped me stand.
With a final glance at the tombstone, Kingston led me out of the cemetery.
“For the last ten years, Landon has lived in the dark. The pain of what he lost when my father learned what he meant to me, it broke him. It nearly killed him, and I’ve feared that happening again, if his memories ever returned. Losing him the way I have, holding onto the past while he doesn’t remember, it’s been nothing compared to the thought of losing him completely. That almost happened once, and I—” He swallowed hard, like he couldn’t bear thinking about it. “Because of that, I never tried to pull him from the dark. Now, I’m not even sure I could after what I witnessed him go through when he met and lost you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Quinn,youpulled him from the dark, whether you realized it or not, that day in the pharmacy. One moment, and it was enough to let light back in, but with me…He’s been by my sidefor ten years, and it’s never happened. I think it’s because in his mind, I’m tied to that pain. Tied to the darkness. Ithurts himto remember me. Losing me saved him. But you? What you’re tied to in his mind—light, hope—it saved him. That’s why losing you, even sensing the threat behind what I asked him to do, and knowing it was necessary…”
“He couldn’t stand it.”
Kingston nodded. “I tried to prevent needing to take the route we did at the Knights’ Quorum, but in the end, it was the only way to protect you from my father. I hope you see that now, or at least, trust that it wasn’t a choice I made lightly.”
“I do see that.”
Relief eased some of the tension in his back, but it still lined his features. “The problem was that once it happened, the way Landon responded…Ididn’t handle that as best as I could have. So, it caused more damage than good.”
He choked out a soft laugh, his eyes lifting to the sky as he shook his head.
“Considering that a year ago, I’d resigned myself to this life without the hope of changing anything, I expected more of myself. I’d made peace with this being the way life had to be, because at least we’d both be here to live it. But then, everything changed. Suddenly, there was hope. An opportunity to do what I’d set out to do and more than I’d dreamed to achieve.”
“What happened?”
