“She explained that she knew from the very first time I lied,” he said, voice calm, “but didn’t say anything because it made Felix so happy.”
“Oh…” I said, dumbfounded.
“Yeah.” He laughed softly through his nose, incredulous, as if he couldn’t believe any of it himself. “She revealed all of this to me at the hospital before asking me to find a way to go through with the wedding before he passes. She let me know that she wasn’t above begging if it meant giving her husband his dying wish.”
“Oh…god,” I breathed.
I hated the idea of Grace being so desperate. But the image of her doing everything she could to make the man she loved happy flooded me with more warmth than I’d felt in weeks.
The image was painful, but oh so beautiful, too.
“So, I’m not asking you to do this for me, but for Felix,” he implored. “I know it’s a lot, and I know we need to talk—aboutlast week and the way we ended things. I have so much to tell y?—”
“I’ll do it,” I blurted.
“What?” He recoiled, shocked by my quick acceptance.
“I said I’ll do it.”
“You will?”
“Of course,” I confirmed. “Grace is right. We can do this for Felix.”
“Okay. Ummm.” He fumbled for words, clearly unprepared for me to actually accept.
But I didn’t want any words from him. The wave of panic that hit when he mentioned talking about anything prior to this moment blocked everything else out. A singlenoscreamed through my mind. I didn’t want explanations for why he didn’t want me. I didn’t need more reasons for his actions. I didn’t need reminders of all the rules I’d broken.
So, I took control of the situation, cutting them off before they could rip me apart all over again. “We’ll do this. You don’t need to say anything else about it. We’ll get married and get an annulment afterward. No promises. No commitment. No big deal.” My words were clipped, each lie pushing past the lump threatening to choke them off.
My mind latched onto the way his face fell along with his shoulders, already inventing alternatives to the truth he made so clear.
Maybe he was disappointed because he wanted to talk about how he was wrong. Maybe he frowned because he didn’t want an annulment—maybe he wanted to confess he loved me and wanted me as his wife. Maybe…
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Maybe I should stop reading into his reactions. Stop thinking they mean more than they did. Stop banging my head against the wall and expecting new results. Stop being insane.
“Seriously. No need to talk. Just give me the details, and I’ll be there.”
“Oh. Um…okay.” He studied me with that same frown, teasing me to read too much into it, before it blessedly flattened into a straight line matching his expressionless face.
“Okay.”
“I’ll message you.”
“Sounds good.”
He left, softly shutting the door behind him.
At the click, my shoulders slumped. I leaned into the desk, releasing a heavy exhale, followed by a sharp inhale. Then another exhale, shorter, cut off by a gasping inhale.
Tears stung my eyes, pooling along my lashes before falling. I collapsed into my seat, biting my lip to hold back sobs, desperate to steady my breathing.
They came quicker, sharper, until I thought I’d pass out.
I traced my fingers, trying to match my breathing to the up and down movement while I scoured the room for five white things. I was in the middle of listing off something I could smell when my breathing finally slowed.
It was the warm cashmere scent of Lucian’s cologne.
