I wanted to call him back immediately, but when I saw him struggling to get down the stairs, my conviction rose. I can’t wear heart-eyes and fawn over him because he said he loved me. If I let this continue, I’m co-signing the destructive path he’s on.
I can’t say I love Nat and watch him walk straight off a cliff to his own death. Not without doing everything in my power to stop him.
“Hey, Boss,” Jimmy whispers.
I whip around, giving whoever interrupted my work the evil eye.
Jimmy, Carlos and Blade cringe.
Carlos shoves Jimmy forward.
The old man shoots a quick look of betrayal at his co-workers. Hands clasped behind his back, Jimmy says, “We’re heading out to lunch, Boss. We signed the book just like you said.”
Carlos nods.
Blade pushes out his lips and shrugs as if he’s too cool for logbooks.
As I look at the men, I feel a pinch of guilt. These are the guys I spend a minimum of eight hours a day with. I see them more than I see my own family. Sure, my love life is a mess right now and I’m worried sick about Nat, but I don’t have the license to take it out on my team.
I clear my throat and prepare to eat humble pie. “Before you go for lunch…”
The mechanics stop and wait.
“I’m sorry if I’ve been testy today. I have some personal things going on. It has nothing to do with you. I promise, when you come back this afternoon, I’ll have Raging Riley back in her cage, and I’ll be more professional.”
Carlos smiles.
Jimmy grins so wide I see his gold tooth. “It’s alright, Boss. You can be as cranky as you want. I would be too if someone blasted me online. No offense.”
“None taken, Jimmy.”
“Was Nathan Campbell your first love for real, Boss?” Carlos asks.
I nod.
Blade scoffs. “Why? If he wasn’t so good at hockey, he wouldn’t be anything special.”
Emotions ball in my throat.
That sentiment is exactly what Nat believes. Why else would he push himself so far?
“That’s not true,” I say, my voice shaking. “Nat is a lot more than just a good hockey player. He’s kind, sweet and loving. He makes people feel welcome and valuable and seen. He doesn’t need hockey to be important to me or to this world.”
Carlos shifts awkwardly. “Well… that’s nice.”
“We should go,” Jimmy says, backing away from me as if he’s afraid I’ll start weeping on his shoulder.
Blade grunts his goodbye and charges out of the garage ahead of everyone else.
Once the mechanics are gone, I pop my headphones in and continue my work.
I don’t want to think about Nat, but my thoughts automatically swerve in that direction.
Is issuing an ultimatum the right decision? What if Nat decides to continue playing hockey and breaks up with me?
My chest squeezes in pain.
Is all this worth it? Should I be making such a fuss?
