“You almost broke your neck, Riles. All because of me?”
I hold up a hand. “Before you think I was obsessed with you to the point that I didn’t have my own identity, you’re wrong. I had my own hobbies and my own interests. I tried different school clubs, lost friends and made friends. My body was changing and I was discovering who I wanted to be and what I had interest in doing for the rest of my life. There were times I had interest in guys in my class, guys my own age, but it never stuck. AndthatI blame on you.”
“Me?” Nat sticks a finger in his chest.
“You were alwaysaround.”
I stomp my foot because, really, that’s the part that’s so unfair. “I had no control over who my brother’s best friend was. And you were so handsome and so warm and your smile kept reeling me back in—Nathan Michael Washington Campbell, I’ve already asked you to stop smiling at me. I’m serious.”
Nat scrubs a hand over his chin and ducks his head. “My full government name, wow.”
“You went to college and things got easier for me, but I never forgot you. It’s just that I closed the door to the room in my heart that you occupied. But that door got ripped off its hinges when I heard about your accident.”
At this point, I stop and wring my hands together because it’s still hard for me to remember that time.
“I was so scared for you and, yes, I went to the hospital.”
“Riles, you could have come in,” Nat says gently. “We had the type of relationship where you could have seen me.”
I shake my head. “I would have cried and cried and everyone would be staring at me like a crazy person. Plus, I didn’t want to disturb you. I wasn’t as close to you as Chris was and they said you only wanted him and your parents—it was enough for me to just be outside. So that’s why I went.”
Nathan stands, hands outstretched as if he wants to touch me.
Palms to his shoulders, I shove him back down.
He lands in the couch again, one leg half-raised. He lets out a disbelieving chuckle.
“I’m not done,” I tell him.
Smirking, Nat relaxes into the couch, legs spread, one arm hanging over the back, like he’s posing for a magazine shoot.
And I forget my train of thought.
“I’m listening, Riles,” Nat encourages me.
I look at a point above his head and continue, “When you came to town, I was terrified that I’d become the Riley who saw nothing but Nathan Campbell. I thought it was better that we avoid each other. But you kept flirting with me and coming on to me. You were basically obsessed and what was I supposed to do?Notdate you because I’ve had a crush on you forever? Are you kidding? I’m only human.”
“Obsessed, huh?” Nat tilts his head. “I don’t remember it quite like that.”
I hold up a finger, not wanting to be interrupted. “I was going to tell you. Eventually. I’m sure my crush would have come up, but then we had lunch that day with Jimmy and the others. And you said getting hung up on your first love is a mental illness or something.” I wave a hand as I start to pace.
“Whoa. That’snotwhat I said.”
“The thought of telling you how long I’ve been pining for you was too risky. I figured it was something I could put off. But thenLayla,” I spit out her name, “told the entire world, so I wanted to let you hear everything from me because you deserve that and I do too. Even if it’s embarrassing, even if I’m mildly horrified right this minute as I think about all the stupid things I did back then to get your attention, this is the truth. This is me. I’ve always been looking at you, Nat.”
My chest moves up and down as I take in deep breaths.
Silence descends.
And then Nat rises to his feet and watches me cautiously to make sure I won’t shove him again.
“The floor is yours.” I gesture.
“First, thank you for telling me. I’m honored to be your first love, Riley.”
“Didn’t sound like it that day in the office,” I mumble.
“I feel like kicking myself. I shouldn’t have said those things about first loves. Half of it was me trying to be funny.”
