With no otheridea on how to begin, I start walking. I’m not sure where I’m going, but there has to be an end to this void, right? Or is that an oxymoron? Like, it’s my mind. It’d be nice to think it’s endless, but we all have limits. However, I’m realizing it may be more difficult to reach this limit than I thought. I walk and walk and walkand walk. Each step I take echoes around me, bouncing around the space before fading into the distance. Where is this end I’m searching for?
I can’t stand this.Wake the hell up, Lacy!I start running, sprinting as fast as my legs will take me, still only seeing darkness before me, not actually feeling my feet hit the ground. I manage to pick up the pace even more and…SMACK. I slam full-body into a wall, springing backward and landing hard on my ass.
Ow. Thathurt. I’m semi-convinced my nose is pressed flat against my face, Persian cat-like. I shake off the pain and pull myself to my feet. There’s no visible wall before me—still thevast emptiness. I inch forward with my hand outstretched, expecting the wall to be gone. However, my palm soon touches a cool, smooth surface. I run my hand down the wall, fingers chilled by what feels like metal. I always have said my mind is a steel trap.
I continue to trace my fingers on the wall, stretching up and down, trying to touch it all, when I finally find what I don’t know I’m hunting for: a seam. My fingers drag down that seam until I reach a corner, the line now stretching horizontally. I trace that until I find a lip. It’s thin, jutting out an inch and running the length of my palm, but it’s there. I dig my nails under and yank upward.
The light that bursts through nearly knocks me back on my ass. I squint, already accustomed to the darkness. I’m looking through a curved window, about the size of a manhole cover. Beyond the window, the sun is shining overhead and trees litter the space. I recognize the area. It’s a hiking trail I would frequent back when I had a dog. Well, it was my ex-boyfriend’s dog, but I loved him more than life itself. The dog, I mean. The boyfriend was so-so. All of my relationships have been. I don’t like to get attached, so I keep them so-so.
The screen is moving forward, like one of those walking path videos for treadmills. I watch as the view shifts to a tree. No, more specifically, shifts toward a bug on that tree. I observe a hand—hang on, that looks likemyhand. I recognize the chipped blue nail polish. How is thatmyhand? I watch asmyhand reaches out to the bug and scoops it up with the pointer finger.
“Put that down!” I shriek, layers of bug ickiness smearing over me.
I see my hand flinch, but the bug stays on my finger, crawling around and moving up my palm in the direction of my arm.
“Oh my god,” I whine. “Drop the bug!”
I hear a sigh. Then the same deep voice I heard before says, “I’d rather not drop the bug. Why are you so close? Usually, people stay much deeper in their mind prisons. Actually, usually, they don’t speak.”
Great, he’s still here. Is he…? He must be controlling my body. I have to say, as dreams go, at least this one is inventive. I’m rather impressed.
“Why am I…? Ugh! Why areyoupicking up bugs inmybody?! Get that off of me!” A terrible thought occurs to me. I slap my hand over my mouth and say through thinly parted fingers, “Oh god. You’re not going to eat it, are you?”
The voice scoffs. “No, why would I eat it? It’s not like it’s a larva. It’s not going to offer any good nutrients.”
I observe, unblinking, as my hand flicks the bug off my arm.
The voice continues, “Well, since I have you here and we’re talking about nutrients, you’re not a vegan, are you? It’s not that I would have any problem compromising your morals, I just don’t want to deal with the absolute war your body would start if I put any meat or dairy products in it that you haven’t eaten in years.”
I don’t answer, because I don’t understand what’s happening.Whycan’t I wake up? I don’t want to play along anymore. I want to beawake.
My hand, myoutsidehand, comes closer to the window, lifting to knock lightly against my skull, myoutsideskull, creatinga booming reverberation in my void, ringing so loudly I slap my palms over my ears.
“Hey, hello? Vegan, yes or vegan, no?”
I grit my teeth and drag my hands from my ears. “I’m not vegan.”
“Any allergies?”
“I’ll die if I get stung by a bee.”
“Ah, good to know. I was planning on getting honey straight from the hive later, so scratch that plan.”
I cross my arms. “Was that a joke? Are you trying to make jokes right now?”
I can practically feel the grin. “I’m hilarious. You better get used to it. Now, I think that’s all I need from you. Please, I ask again,shut up.”
The window slams shut, and I am again thrown into darkness. Oh, Idespisethis man. Who is he supposed to be? A manifestation of all the assholes I’ve dealt with in my life?
I yank the window back open to see trees again—lower though, like I’m sitting on the ground. “What ishappening?” I ask for what feels like the thousandth time.
Another sigh. Oh gee, I’m sorry for being so annoying, but this is my mind. Usually, I’m allowed to be as infuriating as I want in here.
“Just tell me why I can’t wake up,” I plead, adding as a desperate afterthought, “please.”
The scene before me goes dark, then brightens, as though I’ve closed and reopened my eyes.
The voice says quietly, “Promise not to freak out?”
