I heard the peanut butter roll again.
Using the backs of my hands, I aggressively rid my face of the tears. I blinked away the rest, desperate to come out. Bitterly, I spat, “The person you hit is fine, by the way. The only damage you left was to yourself and everyone who loved you.”
I shook my head, sliding down from the stool to blow out each candle one by one.
The peanut butter didn’t roll again.
sixteen
. . .
Present Day
I pullout of the past with a gasp, my eyes moist. When I went into the memory, I was in my chair, but now I’m standing alone in the dark. The window, my chair, and my bed all out of sight.
Kit doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his eyes on me.
“I suppose you saw that?” I ask quietly, staring at my feet.
He doesn’t respond for a long moment, but eventually answers with only a, “Yes.”
“Sorry I keep exposing you to my sad excuse of a life.”
“I like learning about you.”
Suddenly, he appears before me in his human form, those blue eyes of his dark and open. He thumbs away an escaped tear, and murmurs, “You’re crying on the outside, too.” He lets his hand rest on my cheek as he fades away. His voice rings out, “It was okay to be angry.”
“I shouldn’t have yelled at her like that. It was my last chance to speak with her.”
“You don’t still speak with her?”
“I talk to her all the time. But that was my last chance for her to talk back. I firmly believe she has moved on.” I clear my throat. “Anyway,” I stress, wanting to leave this conversation far behind us. August is none of his business. “How do you do that? Appear in here?”
“Ah, well, it takes a lot of concentration, but I can have a corporeal form in your head with you. Usually doesn’t stick for long. If you, uh…like when I got drunk and passed out and you had control, I was in your head like this. It’s easier for me to appear in that form the more power you have over your body, I guess, because more of me is concentrated on the inside.”
“That’s insanely confusing.” I start walking in an attempt to find my way back to the window.
“The supernatural world always is.” He flips the topic. “So, you’re a pretty popular paranormal investigator. I googled you.”
I smile, sliding back into my chair to find Kit staring up at the ceiling. He’s lying on his back on the couch, fingers interlaced behind his head. “I am.” I pick at my nail polish. “There’s actually this competition I was planning on entering. For a pilot of my own show.”
“Like a TV show? On TV?”
I shake my head. “Not network television. A random streaming service. But, yeah. I could submit some of the videos I already made, ones that got a lot of hits, but I don’t know. I need something incredibly unique to get ahead of the rest. I haven’t had much luck, though.” I laugh darkly. “Not that it matters, if you’re running my life now.”
Kit is quiet for a beat, his eyes closing, sending us both intodarkness. “I don’t plan on being with you forever.”
“No one does,” I say before I can stop myself.
That’s not what he meant. I know that. I cross my fingers, hoping Kit doesn’t ask me to expand. Doesn’t ask me about every relationship that faded away, how August died and left me, how my dad did the same before her. How no one is permanent, and even if they are, like Meggie, I fear that they’re not, because I’ve been proven wrong countless times.
I wish Kit wasn’t so easy to talk to—I wish he would stop giving the impression that he cares about me, blurring lines between us that should stay definitively drawn. Am I that pathetic? Somedemonshows me a little attention and I melt for him.
I clear my throat. “The deadline is in three weeks, anyway. You’re not going to be gone before then, are you?”
“Probably not,” he responds gruffly. “You know, I could help.” His eyes reopen, and we’re peering at the ceiling again.
I furrow my brow. “Help with what?”
