“Who said anything about marriage?!” Tiana snapped. She didn’t mean to. Apparently, it was a trigger.
Jenna didn’t seem to mind. “Niko did, last night. He said he wanted to marry you and have babies with you and grand?—”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot. Sorry, go ahead.”
“Wow. Defensive much?”
“Sorry.” Tiana smiled.
Jenna tilted her head to the side. “Yeah, it’s so weird that Pops didn’t talk to you when clearly you are so open for and calm and?—”
“Okay, point taken.”
Jenna smiled. “Anyway, if she was serious with someone, and I knew she was emotional a lot, someone who was going to be with her would need to know that. They would need to be patient and know that it was not going to be a smooth ride, there would be highs and lows, and they would just need to be there and love her. I wouldn’t go to Blake and tell her that. I would go to the person who wanted to be with Blake. I would want to look in their eyes and tell them what a beautiful, big-feelings girl she was. I would want to see for myself if they really knew who she was and if they could handle that. I couldn’t find that out in a conversation with Blake.”
Tiana hadn’t looked at it from that point of view, but maybe Jenna was right. Or maybe not. Something about all of this still felt like it was just too good to be true. Something felt off. She just didn’t know what, but she did know the answers weren’t in the back of the salon.
“I feel like I should pay you for these therapy sessions,” she teased Jenna as she got up to go.
“Are you kidding me? I am fueled by tea and drama, and lately, you, my love, are Bridgerton-level supply of both.”
She wasn’t wrong.
31
Coffee had becomean extension of Niko’s nervous system. He stood in the kitchen sipping his fourth cup, and it wasn’t even noon, the bitter caffeine boost barely kept him functioning at this point. He felt like a zombie. Unlike in his twenties, he couldn’t pull all-nighters without consequences. He was exhausted and running mainly on the reverb of memory from the night’s escapades and fizzy energy from the cautious hope that maybe there was a path forward with Tiana.
Last night had been better than good. It was, by any rational measure, the kind of night people write songs about: Pops’ wisdom echoing in the air, unexpected confessions, sex so urgent they christened a storage closet, and then again, still urgent but slower and more dangerous, at least for his heart, at home in the comfort of their bed. Tiana had fallen asleep in his arms with her cheek pressed to his chest, breathing so fiercely in her dreams he wondered if she could still be fighting him even in sleep. He’d barely moved, barely breathed, wanting to keep her there by sheer willpower, lying perfectly still, scared if he moved the magic would end.
Niko spent so much of his life on fast-forward, getting instant gratification, chasing every passing thrill, that it was a challenge to be put on pause. His natural instinct was to be in charge, to take control, so to surrender his life and be on someone else’s terms and timelines was nearly impossible. But if he wanted to be with Tiana, that’s what he had to do. And no matter how great last night was, he wasn’t stupid enough to think a single night could undo years of scar tissue, hers or his.
He’d seen her eyes when she woke up, the guarded look of someone who had survived a hundred false mornings, and even as she smiled, he could feel the walls going up inside her chest, brick by brick. Niko accepted it was going to be one-step-forward, two-steps-back sort of situation. Or two-steps-forward, six-steps-back. She had trust issues, abandonment issues, attachment issues, and he wasn’t without his issues, hell, they could probably open up a newsstand with all their combined issues.
But he knew that she was worth it, what they had was worth it. So he would be something he had never been before in his life, he would be patient. He’d give her whatever time she needed to wrap her head around the fact that he wasn’t going anywhere. He would give her the space and grace to panic, freak out, and bail, and he’d be right where she left him, because she was it for him.
Loving Tiana forced him to become a version of himself he’d never believed possible. Patient, deliberate, tenacious, and hopeful. He wasn’t built for waiting, his entire life was a monument to the thrill of the chase and the reward of instant feedback. But he’d wait until the end of time for her, if that’s what it took. He was prepared to be her personal Sisyphus, rolling the boulder of her trust uphill for eternity if it meant she’d finally believe he wasn’t going to disappear.
Tipping his head back slightly, he finished his fourth cup of java, then rinsed out the mug, set it on the drying rack, leaned his hands on the edge of the counter, and reminded himself to breathe. It was hard being in love with someone who thought the only safe love was the kind that could be walked away from at any moment. He thought about the look on Tiana’s face last night when he’d told her he loved her, the way her walls crumbled and rebuilt themselves in the space of a single breath. He wondered if she’d remember it the same way, or if her mind would smooth out the edges and rewrite the narrative to protect herself.
He checked the time again, Tiana had finished her last class over an hour ago. She must have gone to visit Pops. Or she’d retreated back inside her protective turtle shell. Because that’s what she had. Pops described the barriers she put up as walls, but walls were easy to climb, Tiana withdrew into a hard, protective outer barrier much like that of a tortoise. She’d had to do that to survive, not only her childhood but also her twenties with Brock Bartlett.
Just thinking his name caused Niko’s hands to fist. He knew he needed to get G away from him. Thankfully, his plan was in motion. He’d sent a text to her sister to see if her family would be on board. He’d yet to hear back, but if they were, then Niko would be dusting off his Cupid wings and bow and shooting his arrow.
A knock sounded on the door, not loud, but definite, like someone who wanted to be heard without making a scene. Niko blinked, startled out of his circling thoughts. As much as he wanted it to be, he knew it couldn’t be Tiana, she had a key.
When he opened it, he found a different blonde on his porch. “Sunshine, what are you doing here? I thought you and Zach were flying back this morning.”
Jessie rolled her eyes slightly. It was the barest of movements, and if he hadn’t known her so well, he would have missed it completely. “Zach extended our trip because he wanted to stay and train at Lucky’s gym. He’s like a kid in a candy store in there.” She paused, her brows lifted. “Can I come in?”
“Oh shit, yeah. Of course.” He stepped to the side, and she entered the house.
“Nice,” she commented as she looked around.
“It’s AJ’s Airbnb, but he’s living with Poppy now at her house that he renovated, so he’s letting me crash here until the first of the year.”
“The first of the year?” she repeated.
“Yeah. Did you want something to drink?”
