As AJ relayed the event, he realized that Tuesday also happened to be the first day of his selective mutism. He’d never thought about that before. That was the triggering event that started it, which also happened to be exactly a month, to the day, after his dad passed away.
Melinda had started taking notes when he began talking and continued for about thirty seconds after he finished. Then she looked up. “So that is when you realized everyone’s brain wasn’t like yours?”
“That’s when I realized everyone didn’t remember everything like I did and it overwhelmed me which exhausted me. I realized everyone didn’t think like me when I was four.”
“Tell me about that.”
“I was at the grocery store, and I had a few interactions at the checkout counter. When we got in the car, my dad explained to me that I couldn’t just say things even if they were true. I thought I could because it was obvious, and my dad said it was obvious to me but not to other people.”
“What did he mean? What happened?”
“There were a lot of things going on, and I just wanted it all to stop. There was a couple arguing in the line next to us, and I told her that the guy was lying, he was cheating on her with her sister. Then I told the cashier the total was wrong because she didn’t scan one of the coupons, a two for one Go-Gurt. When the bill came out to one hundred and sixteen seventy-two instead of one hundred and fourteen eighty-one, itreallybothered me when things were wrong, it still does, but at that age I had no tools to handle it. And there was a light flickering overhead, so I demanded that they call the maintenance man, George, who I’d never met but had noticed his nametag in the storage room, and I told him which panel had the fluorescent tube that was about to cause the fuse to blow and would need to be replaced seconds before the light went out completely. I just wanted the couple to be quiet, the cashier to do her job correctly, and the light to stop flickering.”
“How did you know the guy was lying and cheating?”
“It was obvious, and I didn’t even understand what cheating was. He was defensive and fidgeting, every time she confronted him with another fact, his story changed. He was over-explaining without actually saying anything. Trying to make her seem like she was wrong for asking the questions she was. Whenever she brought up her sister, he stuttered over his nextwords, and every question she asked him about her, he repeated the question before responding, so I knew he was lying.”
“And you were four?”
AJ nodded.
“I saw her again when I was shopping with my mom two weeks later. She said I was right and thanked me. My dad had mentioned the interaction to my mom, so she knew what was going on. The woman, Trina, bought me and Niko candy bars.”
“How did it make you feel knowing your brain worked differently?”
“Separate.”
“And did that feeling of separation continue through your childhood and into your teen years?”
“Yes.” People assumed that was bad, but it never bothered AJ.
“What about as an adult?”
“Yes.” For the most part, he was fine with that.
“How does that affect your life as an adult in relationships?”
“I can’t always make sense of people’s emotions, especially if they are illogical. I sometimes feel like I’m on a different planet observing, like a scientist in a foreign land.”
“How has that translated into romantic relationships?”
The only person’s face he saw was Poppy’s, but he hadn’t been in a relationship with her.
“Typically, when I date someone new, I study the way they laugh, the cadence of their speech, and the things that make them angry or happy or sad so I can predict their responses and then adjust my own behavior accordingly, not to manipulate, just so I don’t offend or upset them. It is exhausting, and I still fail. I get accused of having no feelings, and several times I’ve been told that I will die alone.”
She nodded as she continued writing. “You said typically. Has there been an exception to that rule?”
Again, Poppy’s face appeared.
She smiled. “Well, I think I got my answer.”
AJ had no idea how Melinda was able to read him so well. Most people accused him of being robotic and showing zero emotion. This woman was acting as if he was broadcasting his feelings in HD on a jumbotron in Times Square.
“I met a woman who I didn’t have to do any of that with.”
“That must be nice.”
“It was.”
