Expression of anger is so different when you don’t have words or a voice and I hate how it builds up and internalizes.
I’m not sure if I’m mad at Ethan for forcing us away or forthe thought that this was all a set up for Dane to do ‘what he always does.’
I hate this. I knew it would come to an end, but this was not what I expected.
“Come on baby, it’s time to go.”
26
DANE
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Kobi’s words blare through the speaker as I exit my favorite Parisian café.
“What?” I shrug, peering at him through the screen before looking both ways to cross the street. “It’s not like I pulled a Hudson and got drunk married in Vegas to a complete stranger.”
Kobi rolls his eyes. “No…that’s easily fixable by filing some papers. You permanently tattooed your skin with remnants of them.” His eyes are wide, giving me a condescending look.
“I don’t know why this surprises you. It’s not like it’s the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done. Plus, look at it.” I shift the camera over to my shoulder to show him the inked scratch lines and small crescent moons from Hannah's fingernails, then move the phone to the crease in my neck, over my trap muscle. “They’re perfect.”
“You tattooed his bite mark on your neck, Dane.”
“It’s not my neck, it’s my trapezius, totally different spot.”
“You know what I mean,” he palms his face, “and yes, you’re the most impulsive person I’ve ever known but it’s always been with your life or travel or your random purchases. Never withpeople or relationships. Tattooing someone else marks on you?—”
“It’s hot, right? I think they’ll like it.” I interrupt him because he knows the only other tattoo I’ve ever put on my body was for Celeste.
I avoid looking into the camera and shuffle quickly over the sidewalk toward the hotel.
Luckily, it’s not busy this early in the morning because I really want to get back to them before they wake up.
I snuck out last night, which would have been weird if they caught me leaving at that hour. I did end up falling asleep between them, but I woke up after only an hour of sleep and when I saw the marks they both left I couldn’t get the idea of keeping them permanently marked there forever out of my head.
Like my own personal matching scar to theirs.
I texted the tattoo artist I know in Paris and luckily she was still open. I paid her triple her going rate so she could start and finish before the sun came up and I couldn’t be happier with how they turned out.
It’s official. I’m obsessed. I’m head over heels sinfully consumed by everything about them and I’m ready to tell them after last night.
Let’s just fucking lean into this. That’s what they say right?
The bolt of excitement that ran through me when they agreed to change their flight, let’s just say I’m thoroughly impressed with my self control, considering all of my normal control has been non-existent when it comes to them.
“Are you sure they don’t know who you are?” Kobi asks softly.
I get why he’s asking. People that know who I am when they meet me want something from me. Most often money or the connections I have.
Getting the payout, and continuous royalties I receive for my code, was by far the most exciting but debilitating thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s given me the freedom to live how I want, but handcuffed me when it came to my love life. Not that I needed much of one since I haven’t had anything serious since Celeste.
Naturally, my ‘one-date Dane” nickname sort of became a trend and the media awarded me with the title; the most eligible bachelor most likely to never settle down.
Back then I didn’t care much, not when the only person I ever wanted was Celeste. I used my fame and money as a tool and rode the media rage well, telling any girl—or guy—that I wasn’t interested in anything more than just having some fun.
All of them always said they understood, but it ended in one extreme or the other. They would only hook up with me because they wanted to put that notch on their belt or it was a feeble attempt to make me fall in love with them, like they thought they would somehow be different.
As active as that lifestyle is, I still feel lonely. And even though my friends thought I was off galavanting around the world, hooking up with someone different every night, that’s been far from the truth. Lately, I’ve been alone more than I’m not. Hiking, or exploring by myself.
Maybe that’s what got me to agree to teach in Seattle and stay put for a while. It’s something new I’ve never done but it’s also near all of my friends, except Kobi.
