“I’m going to tell them,” I say. “We all go home tomorrow, so I just need to tell them more about myself. I’ll tell them I’m headed back to Seattle to teach for a year, then maybe I can spend some time wherever they live and,” I shrug, “I don’t know, hang out there for a while.”
I hate how unsure I sound. Because why would they even go for that or even want to spend time with me after a year. I feel fucking sick and vulnerable and I hate it.
Kobi watches me as I shift back and forth in my stance, knowing I’m completely fucking unhinged by them and losing my mind trying to figure out how to keep whatever it is we have going. I mean, it’s possible, right? I can’t be the only one feeling this way.
“Hey,” he pats me on the shoulder, “I’m sure it’s going to work out, just tell them how you feel. Be open. They’ve been pretty open with you, right?”
Sexually, yeah. But I know nothing about them personally. I don’t even know what state they live in.
I nod. Agreeing and answering his question at the same time.
Kobi looks at me with concern and I don’t blame him. I’m far out on the line, with my heart on a platter, serving it up to them and I have no desire to pull it back.
“Who’s going first?” he asks, glancing down over the side of the waterfall. I peer down and I’m thankful for the change in topic. Jumping off this cliff is easier than expressing my foreign feelings for my hostel mates.
Glancing back up at our surroundings, I don’t see anyone around, which is perfect timing on our part.
Every time we’re here together, we end our trip by not only making this trek, but jumping into the lake at the bottom. It’s a rush of excitement knowing we shouldn’t be doing it but the fall itself is at least a couple hundred yards down.
When you finally hit the water after the freefall it’s addictingly cleansing.
Even so, taking the leap still makes my heart pound out of my chest and I love the adrenaline.
We both look down over the cliff. “Is my eyesight going bad or does it look further than usual this year?”
My lips form a tight line. “It does, actually. But I think it’s less our eyesight and more our old age.”
“You first this time?” he asks.
“Ehhhh, maybe you can go first,” I squeak out.
As we debate, voices echo between the trees and I can tell there’s a large group making their way up. It sounds like a park ranger on a megaphone giving a tour.
Hell, it’s probably the fucking CGA group haunting me here too.
“Oh, shit,” Kobi says as he looks over his shoulder then back at me.
Time to go.
Both of us jump at the same time, leaping over the edge. A profound sense of freedom rushes through me, replacing the initial fear and it’s exhilarating. Falling is the scariest, yet most intoxicating feeling I have ever experienced. The last few days with the two of them have felt exactly the same, except instead of my body, it’s my heart. Which is not nearly as strong in handling an impact.
Regardless, I know whatever happens it’s going to be worth the fall and I want to share everything I feel with them.
My eyes roam over my gorgeous surroundings and I feelgrateful for another amazing summer, knowing I have one more extraordinary night to experience before heading home.
I expel all the breath from my lungs as I hit the lake and allow the water to wash over me in waves, feeling refreshed physically and emotionally. I’m ready to dive in head first with them, if they’ll have me.
21
HANNAH
“Are you ready?”
I ask Ethan for the third time as he looks around the room, which is now a chaotic mess due to the sheer amount of people in it.
I’m so thankful Dane invited us to stay with him, especially after being spoiled for the last few nights with no one else in the room.
We only have one more night in Paris, and as much as I’m not looking forward to the end, I’m still excited for tonight.
