I shake my head and urgently put my hands out, stopping her from going any further.
She squints as if pained by rejection and I debate lying and not telling her about my premature mishap. Tonight was about them, but I was no match for what just happened between us, and I want them to know exactly what they do to me.
“I, uh—I came in my pants.” I press my lips in a tight line and shrug shyly. That’s not normally like me but I’m dying for them to like me as much as I like them.
Her eyes light up with an adorable curiosity, like she’s impressed with my admission.
That’s good because I’m embarrassed as hell.
She leans forward, kissing me softly over my cheek and smiles. I glance up to Ethan and the darkened pools have hardened into something cold and distant.
“I’m going to go clean myself up,” he says, his words as detached as his eyes, then steps in between me and Hannah. The cold breeze he leaves in his wake might as well be a glacial whirlpool.
18
HANNAH
“So, is he going to be okay? I mean, should I go check on him?” Dane asks as he glances at the door for at the least the fifth time since Ethan left.
He’s pulling back the covers on his bed after he paced around the room a bit. I could tell he was doing everything in his power to stop himself from following Ethan out of the room.
Dane is a fixer. He wants to help make anything better. It was crystal clear in the way he handled dinner with those two girls sitting next to us.
Grabbing my small white board from my bag, I write,he just needs some time.Then flip it around to show Dane. He looks back at the door and nods and it’s truly endearing.
He’s been so respectful of me and Ethan—to both of us individually and as a couple—I find myself glaring at the door as if Ethan could sense my irritation with how he’s responding to such an amazing experience.
We all had a great time. I know Ethan did, even though he’ll try to deny it or just completely ignore it for the time being. I’venever heard him moan so loud or look so satiated after sex, and we didn’t even have actual sex.
My god though, when we do, that’ll probably be like experiencing a total solar eclipse. Rare, cosmic, unreal.
I peer over at Dane and he quickly turns his gaze away as if he were caught staring. He smiles but he has the same somber look he had when he was talking to his friend Kobi at the club today.
I haven’t mastered reading lips yet, but I tried to eavesdrop on their conversation at the table when Ethan and I were dancing and all I got was that I reminded him of someone named Celeste.
I’ve never been one to shy away from open communication, even without my voice, and I want to know more about him.
I erase the words I previously wrote on my white board and write the question that’s been on my mind.Who’s Celeste?
Turning the board around, he glances up, reads it then quickly glances up at me.
“Where did you hear that name?” he asks; his tone is light, defeated.
I point at him, then my lips to signal I heard it from him.
“Ah, at the club.” He nods slowly.
I nod back.
He veers his gaze back toward the ground, then sits on the corner of his bed. I mirror his movements on the bed opposite to him, giving him my undivided attention.
“Celeste,” he says her name almost as a whisper. Like it’s been too long since he’s really said her name with the passion it deserves. A small smile tugs at his lips before he continues. “She was my girlfriend. My best friend. We met in grade school. She passed away almost ten years ago. Cancer.”
He glances back up at me, giving me a foreign smile—one that doesn’t reach his eyes, then continues, “That was a long time ago.”
My hand is covering my heart, like a part of it is breaking for him. I can’t imagine what he went through and at such a young age. He can’t be more than thirty years old so this had to have happened during high school or college.
I hate that he’s minimizing his feelings. I can tell there’s more and I’m sure he doesn’t want to talk about it but I know he wasn’t expecting me to ask. I also hate when people feel like it’s been a long time so theyshouldn’tfeel it as deeply or strongly as they do.
