“I’m just saying, she reminds me of a certain someone. You seem very smitten, with both of them, and it’s only been one day.”
I pause, taking in his words because I know what he’s trying to say without saying it.
“She doesn’t look anything like Celeste,” I reply, looking down and avoiding his gaze.
“No, physically they are very different. But, her smile,” he pauses as we both glance over to her, beaming a radiant smile that instantly sent me back to the moment I met Celeste when I saw Hannah, “and…her energy. Same fierce energy.”
I sigh, turning my gaze away because he’s right.
Admittedly, it’s been a long time since I’vereallythought about her. It took a long time for me to learn how to push aside the incessant thoughts of Celeste, especially when I used to drown myself in my memories of her.
The first day of kindergarten when the little girl with matching pale blonde hair to mine instantly became my bestfriend. In second grade when we didn’t get the same teacher and cried for an entire day about it because we wouldn’t get to spend everyday in the same classroom together. Fifth grade, when I saw her kissing scrawny Tyson Mellick and felt jealousy for the first time in my life. In seventh grade, when I finally confessed my undying love for my best friend and we became even more inseparable from that moment on.
Then in our freshman year of high school, when she was diagnosed with Acute Lympocytic Leukemia and started treatment almost immediately, missing months of school. Day after day of seeing her get weaker and weaker. Losing her hair, dynamic energy and, on some days, the will to keep going.
When she made it through all the IV drips and chemotherapy, kicking cancer’s ass, we celebrated for days on end—and continued to—by living a life of spontaneity and fun, becauselife is too fucking short, she would say.
The first time I backpacked through Europe was with her the summer after we graduated high school. Healthy and happy, and cancer free.
We moved from hostel to hostel, seeing every country we could, exploring everything together. We learned so much about ourselves that summer. Our likes and dislikes. Sexuality and desires. That was the summer of discovery for both of us and it was so enlightening.
After that, we moved to Houston where we went into our freshman year of college with so much happiness and hope. We met new people and became close with Kobi, Hudson, and Jake, building an unbreakable friendship with them that year. Until finals in our freshman year when she got really ill.
At first she brushed it off as stress, ignored all the symptoms until she fainted while we were getting ready for our summer backpacking trip.
The cancer had come back.
She died a few weeks later.
Taking my soul with her.
I run my palm over my mouth, as if to stop myself from replying to Kobi so he won’t hear the unavoidable crack behind it.
“You don’t need to read between the lines here, Dane. I’m not suggesting anything. I’ve just never seen you so invested, so quickly. I think it’s a good thing. I just want you to be careful. They’re already in a relationship and things can get very messy.”
Clearing my throat, “Yeah, I know. I’m just having fun.” I reply with a fake smile and a half truth. “He’s bi-curious. You know how I love having fun with guys like him,” I admit because that one is more than true.
Kobi raises a brow. “Did he tell you that?”
“No…but she has.”
I smirk as I continue to read Hannah’s hand cues.
“Let’s be open minded and just see where this goes. He’s perfect to explore with, even if it’s just once.”
Ethan tips back his head, pulling Hannah flush against him, as if he’s thankful for her saying what he can’t.
She presses her cheek against his chest and as Ethan kisses the crown of her head, our blue eyes connect and I give her an assuring smile. She’s studying me, appraising me as if she needs to be sure I’m a safe bet for them.
Kobi’s right. It might have just been her smile at first but throughout today I’ve seen so much of Celeste in her. Her supportive, caring nature. How encouraging she is with Ethan about his sexuality—just like Celeste was with me. The way she sucker punched those girls at the table without saying a word. Her wild energy and the way she smiles when she’s happy.
Her lips lift up in a soft, tender smile, as if she can read my thoughts as easily as I can read her words and I wonder how much of the real me she can really see.
Giving me the lifeline I need to get out of my own head, shereaches out her hand in a come here motion and gestures her chin to the dance floor.
My eyes flick over to Ethan who watches her as she invites me over. His chest lifts in a heavy breath and in perfect timing we both shoot back the rest of our martini. Kobi calls for a second round as I stand up and join them on the floor.
15
