I want him to know that it’s okay and I forgive him but I also need him to know exactly how I feel about him, about what happened and he needs to know how serious I am.
“I understand why you reacted the way you did and it’s okay.” I tilt my head to reach his gaze that still peers toward the ground.“I get it, I really do. But, I need you to know that this isn’t just a fling for me. I want this,” I gesture my finger between the two of us, “and I don’t want to give up on the idea of all of us. What happened on Christmas Eve?—”
“I want that, too,” he interrupts. “All of it. I have no idea what it looks like or how it’s going to work, but I want to try.”
“Well, I’m glad that’s out of the way,” Major chimes in, surprising us both.
His arms are crossed, one leg over the other as he leans in the doorway like he’s been planted there for a decade, comfortable and smug.
Voyeuristic bastard.
“How long have you been there?” I furrow my brow.
“Long enough.” He smiles, as he pushes himself off the wall and steps into the room with us.
It feels like how it’s always felt. Like we’re a cohesive team, who respect each other, but there is a deeper, more meaningful connection now, there’s just one important piece missing.
”Are we going to do this?” Major asks, as he looks between us.
I glance at Wade as he side-eyes me and our knowing smiles mirror each other.
“Hell yeah,” I reply at the same time Wade nods with a rare smile.
“Good. Let’s go get our girl.”
CHAPTER 37
QUADRUPLE THE FUN
ABBY
“Hey guys!BayAreaAbbychecking in at the farmer’s market. Today I’m hanging out with the amazing team at the Healthy Horizons booth,” I aim the camera toward Rayna and Mark as they wave, “We’re chatting about our resolutions and how to create better habits in the New Year. Come by and say hi!” I tap the stop recording button and post it with less enthusiasm than normal.
It’s the first post I’ve made since the donation video at the fire station. In fact, this is the first one on my new phone.
After I left the fire station, I drove straight home with tear puddled eyes after the emotional overload and mass regret.
At the time I had no idea what the regret was for. My joke of a relationship with Sam, Cami’s betrayal, or pushing away three amazing men for fear of getting hurt even more.
By the time I walked through my door I knew it was all of the above, but that Christmas Eve experience carried the most weight.
I didn’t regret getting involved with them. They treated me like a princess. A frown pierces my lips with the thought ofMajor’s nickname for me. Something about him just exudes strength and when I was alone on Christmas Eve, I missed his comforting presence. I craved the playful banter I had with Jasper and the bond I made with Wade.
I scolded myself for how I acted, lashing out on them for no goddamn reason. I just couldn’t even see straight after what Cami did, and my guttural reaction to that betrayal caused me to lose more friendships in my life.
Still, I needed space. I needed time. I needed to distance myself.
I should have posted something, explained that I wasn’t with Sam anymore—that I hadn’t been for quite some time. But every time I thought about saying something, it didn’t feel right, because I felt like I was defending myself fortheiractions.
So, instead, I shut off my phone and ignored social media for the week.
Who am I kidding? I ignored life for a week.
It was actually quite liberating. The peace. The quiet. Not finding reasons, a purpose to post something, anything, for content.
Sure, I vegged out on too much junk food, watched really bad reality tv, and I think the odds of getting the same delivery driver from an app service—three times, by the way—is about the same as winning the lottery.
But, I needed that disconnect.
