“Did you just roll your eyes at me like a petulant child? Like it’s not a big deal she could have seen us?
“Shedidn’tsee us. You’re overreacting.” He presses his palms into the floor, pulling his legs forward as he pushes himself up. He stands to his full height, grabbing his turnout pants with him.
His tone and body language is far too Jasper’y and calm. He’s so nonchalant about everything.
“Nothing is a big deal to you, is it? Do you care about anything at all?” His neck snaps up to meet my gaze. His eyes sink into me, forcing me to swallow thickly.
There’s a depth to his eyes I’ve never seen before. A disappointed dip in his brow that hits me square in the chest. I know how passionate he is. How loyal he is and how much he loves the people around him. But I can’t see straight or feel anything but shame right now for being so fucking irresponsible.
“I care about everything!” he yells back, his voice pained. “All I’ve ever done is push down my feelings and walk on eggshells around you because I care more about you than I do about myself.”
Jasper’s typical playfulness is gone, replaced by a rage that’s so unlike him.
He would always go out of his way to give me more shit than others, using his natural flirtation to poke at me. I thought it was because he liked to rile me up. Get a response out of me. But gazing into his eyes it’s so much more than that, it’s always been. I think I’ve always known it, but I can’t focus on that right now. I need to go get Lily.
“It doesn’t matter, Jasper. Abby’s leaving soon and whatever this is,” I shake my head, placing my hands on my hips, hating the confession, “it doesn’t matter, because it’s not going to happen again.”
“Don’t fucking do that. Don’t act like you didn’t want this,” his hand gestures between the two of us, “and don’t assume you know what Abby wants, she?—”
“I can’t do this, Jasper.” I run my hands through my hair. “I can’t fucking do this.” I push my sockless feet into my shoes, hating the sensation. Hating everything I’m feeling.
“Can’t do what? Something for yourself for once?” he continues to poke, but not in the playful Jasper way I’m used to and I don’t know how to handle it. He steps toward me, blocking the doorway and I steel my spine, immediately feeling defensive.
“Get out of my way.”
“No.”
I tilt my head as I huff in a steady breath. He’s gazing back at me with the same need in his eyes that he had when he was on his knees in front of me. The same desire, silently telling me how much he wanted me.
I can’t help but dip my eyes to his crotch, the bulge in his pants has softened with the turn of events but I can still see the outline of his cock pushing through the thin fabric of his pants. A flood of emotions runs through me.
I was ready to return the favor and get on my knees for him. Wanting to experience what it was like to suck another man’s cock. But not just any man's, his. The only man I’ve ever seen in another light other than platonic friendship. The only guy I’ve ever been attracted to.
Jasper shifts his stance feeling my lingering gaze. Shaking my head, I stare at the floor with so many thoughts and so much confusion.
“I know you want to explore this, Wade. You want Abby and whatever she and Major are bringing into this mix.” He swallows audibly. “You want me. You want all of this, just as much as I do.”
“I don’t want to make anything harder for Lily.” I admit to him because kids have it rough these days. I would never want her to feel ashamed if other kids made fun of her for something I choose in my life.
“Who cares if she has two dads or ten. As long as she’s taken care of, loved and first priority, that other shit doesn’t matter, Wade. Kids are going to be kids—people are going to be people—regardless of your sexual orientation.”
He doesn’t get it. I don’t want her to feel like she needs to justify my choices. She’s going to have to learn to stand up for herself, I don’t need her to have to stand up for me, too. I’ve seen it with people these days, the judgment. I’m just not ready for all that.
I continue to shake my head back and forth like it’s stuck on a loop. “Just…get out of my way.” I’m defeated, lost for words, but I stand tall again and look him dead in the eyes.
He huffs out a breath, his lips press into a tight frown as his eyes trail up and down my body before he meets my gaze. It looks like he wants to say something, but pauses then steps to the side.
I pass him and rush out, turning the corner of the hallway into the garage, coming to a dead stop in the doorway of the living area.
Major glances up at me from the island as he hands a box of Cheerios to my sister, then his eyes shift over to where Abby and Lily are sitting.
It looks like they’ve been playing with some toys, pulling some of the donated items out of a box.
Abby’s legs are criss-crossed on the floor next to the coffee table and she has a doll in her hands. Lily's eyes are engaged and bouncing between Abby and the doll with adorable curiosity.
“Binky,” Lily says, pointing at the pacifier in its mouth.
“Yeah, she’s got one just like you,” Abby says with a smile as she taps gently on the one that’s in Lily’s mouth.
