“What a fucking prick!” I’m so enraged that I can barely keep it together.
“I deserve that. But I knew he would never pursue you.” Jameson’s voice is firm. “He would never risk his career, not at the beginning. With his coach’s daughter? You were off-limits, Ken Doll. Patterson’s always been way too logical for that, too careful. He would’ve wanted you from a distance forever and never done anything about it.”
I think about the past, all those moments when Patterson looked at me like he wanted me. There was always too much hostility that was more intense than just disliking someone. He avoided me like I was poison because I was the one he could never have.
“You stole me from him.” It comes out harsh.
“If it wasn’t me, it would’ve been someone else,” Jameson says. “I actually cared about you. I tried my damnedest to make you happy.”
“But it was initially based on a lie. Youchoseto love me,” I say, and everything that Patterson’s said to me starts to make sense. I meet his eyes. “You can’t choose who you love, Jamie. Love chooses you.”
“I know that.” He doesn’t try to defend himself. “That’s why when you told me about the kiss, I couldn’t handle it anymore. The game stopped being fun because it got too real. He had feelings for you that I’d never experience, and I knew that.”
I set down my wineglass because my hands are shaking. Every assumption I’ve made about Patterson, about Jameson, about myself, is crumbling around me.
“I feel sick.”
“I’m really sorry.” He stands. “I did love you. That part was real.”
“But you were never in love with me,” I say, my voice catching.
“Kendall.” Jameson pauses at the door and looks back at me. “Love is letting someone you want be happy with anotherperson, even if it kills you. Why do you think Patterson’s been a miserable bastard this whole time?”
I can’t speak because my throat is too tight.
“You two need to stop dancing around this and actually be together before you waste more time.” He opens the door. “For what it’s worth, I really do think you two deserve each other.”
Then he’s gone, and I’m alone with wine and a truth I can’t escape.
Patterson wanted me first, and Jameson knew that. Our entire relationship was built on a need to win something his brother wanted.
I chug the rest of my glass and pour another, pacing my apartment while my mind races.
I think about Patterson’s speech tonight, about taking shots and going after what you want. I think about every moment between us, every fight, every kiss, every time he looked at me like he was drowning and I was his only oxygen.
I reach for my phone because I need to talk to him, but my fingers hover over the screen, and I don’t know what to say. Jameson handed me the piece of the puzzle I’d been missing for years, and I understand why Patterson has always been so angry, so guarded, so determined to keep me at arm’s length, even while pulling me closer.
Except I don’t know what Patterson actually wants. He fucks me like I’m the only woman in the world he craves, and he told me to end things with Jameson, but that’s it. All we have is this arrangement and a million unspoken words.
I stare at the screen of my phone while my heart pounds.
Tonight, Patterson said the things worth having are the ones that scare you the most, and right now, I’m terrified of wanting something I’m not sure I can have. My father would never accept this.
I set the phone down without typing anything because tonight changed everything, and I can’t predict what comes next.
21
PATTERSON
I’m leaning against the brick wall across the street from Kendall’s building, hidden in the shadows like a fucking stalker, but I don’t care. Twenty minutes ago, I made some excuse to Mila about needing fresh air. She saw right through it, gave me that knowing smirk, and told me to have fun.
Now I’m standing in the dark, watching shadows pass the window in Kendall’s apartment, waiting for my brother to leave.
I should go home.
I should let whatever’s happening up there play out and deal with it tomorrow. But the thought of Jameson touching her, kissing her, sliding his hands over the body I was inside an hour ago makes me want to put my fist through a wall. She’s still got my cum between her thighs, and my brother is up there, trying to reclaim something that was never really his.
So, I stand here and wait.
