“Because she’s off-limits. It could ruin my career,” I say, only giving enough information for them to understand the severity of the situation.
Louis lets out a low whistle. “Thatiscomplicated.”
“Does she know?” Dyson asks. “About how you feel?”
“No. But Thursday night, she cornered me at Diamond and kissed me.” I stare at the pool table because I can’t look at either of them. “And I kissed her back. And I’ve been losing my fucking mind ever since because I can’t stop thinking about it, and I can’t do anything about it, and she’s going to be around for the next three months, working on this project, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to be in the same room with her without—” I stop myself before I say too much.
“Without what?” Louis asks, leaning forward. “Without fucking her against the nearest wall?”
“Without ruining everything.”
The words hang in the air, and I hate how true they are. Kendall Hart is a grenade with the pin already pulled, and I’m standing close enough to catch the shrapnel, no matter which direction I run.
“You should fuck her out of your system,” Louis says casually, like he’s suggesting I try a new restaurant. “Usually works for me.”
“Did you hear anything I said?”
“Sure. I heard all of it. Blah, blah, blah.” He waves his hand dismissively. “Here’s the thing, my man: You’re already fucked whether you act on it or not. Having the feelings is almost worse. So, what difference does it make if you actually follow through?”
“The difference is, my entire life could fall apart—very publicly.”
“So, keep it secret.” He moves closer and claps a hand on my shoulder. “Sometimes, the only way through is through. Make adiscreet arrangement. Stop pretending you’re strong enough to resist something you’ve clearly already lost to.”
“That’sterribleadvice,” I tell him. “Awful.”
“Is it?” He shrugs. “You think I haven’t been in this position before? You think I don’t know what it’s like to want someone you shouldn’t have? The wanting doesn’t disappear because you ignore it. It festers and rots every part of you from the inside out. It turns you into a miserable bastard who can’t even shoot pool.”
Dyson snorts.
“You’rebothassholes.”
“We’re your friends,” Dyson corrects. “Which means we’ll give you the truth, even when you don’t want it. Whatever you’re doing right now isn’t working. So, maybe try something different? Take the risk.”
I stare at the pool table, at the scattered balls I should’ve sunk by now, at the game I’m losing because I can’t get Kendall Hart out of my head, no matter how hard I try.
The idea is reckless and exactly the sort of thing that I’d say yes to.
Louis is right about the wanting not going away. If anything, it’s getting worse with every passing day. And I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending I have this under control.
“Another round?” Dyson asks, already reaching for the bottle after Louis shoots circles around me.
“Yeah.” I drain my glass and hold it out for a refill. “Keep them coming.”
We play three more games, and I lose every single one. By the time I leave Dyson’s place, I’m drunk with Louis’s words echoing in my skull like a curse.
The idea follows me into bed, and thoughts of Kendall pull me into restless dreams. I wake up aching, with her name caught in my throat.
She’s going to be present until the end of the season, and I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to survive her.
8
KENDALL
I’ve been painting since sunrise, adding the final brushstrokes to Tyler’s portrait while the coffee in my mug goes cold. The work is good, and I’m ahead of schedule, which proves I’m well-conditioned after years of gallery deadlines. Hunter’s portrait is drying on the easel by the window, and Cap’s is nearly finished on the table. Three down, seventeen to go.
But every time I pause, my mind drifts back to those photos of Patterson and that woman, which were posted online by every gossip site known to man on Friday.
I’ve looked at Patterson leaving Diamond with his arm around her waist at least a hundred times. We kissed, and hours later, he left with someone else. It’s proof that I’ve been romanticizing something that was never there.
