“Is this where you both murder me?”
“Oh, please,” I say. “I’d never get away with it.”
He doesn’t smile, but I know, deep down, he wants to. I move inside, sit in the chair in front of his desk, and pull Patterson with me. He takes the other chair, but he barely fits in it. Dad’s wearing an old Angels sweatshirt with a hole in the collar. There are papers scattered everywhere and a half-eaten Greek yogurt on his desk. My mom forces him to eat it, and he hates it.
“Dad, we need to talk about this. Right now. You told me to face my fears straight on.” I swallow hard. “And that if I get hit, hit back harder. You made me this stubborn, okay?”
The silence stretches. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to be calm and logical and make my case like a lawyer presenting evidence. But now that I’m sitting here, looking at my father’s disappointed face, all of that goes out the window.
“I’m not here to apologize,” I say. “I won’t.”
His eyebrows lift. “I didn’t ask you to. And I don’t want a fake apology. You can save that bullshit. Both of you.”
“Great. I—” I stop myself because I’m ready to get off track and lay it all out on the table, but I have to be strategic. “Dad, you’ve spent the last week destroying your season to prove a point, and I need you to stop.”
“Excuse the hell out of me?”
“Four losses. You should bepissedat yourself. This is unacceptable behavior. Four games where your team played without their best player because you were too busy trying to control my life? That’s absurd!”
“Watch your tone with me, young lady.” He takes off his reading glasses and sets them on the desk.
“Why are you still doing this? You’re in your head. Get out of it.” I repeat the same words he used to tell me on the ice when I was Olympic-bound. “This is your Olympic chance, Dad. You’re wasting it.” My voice cracks, which I hate because I wanted to be strong, and I’m already falling apart.
“I want the very best for you and?—”
“He is. That’s what you don’t understand. If you want the best for me, then please stop. You’re making this worse for everyone, and it won’t change anything for anyone but you.” I’m not yelling, but I’m close to it. “You’re punishing me like I committed a mortal crime for falling in love. Have you seen whatthey’ve said about me?The devil that destroyed the Angels? Is that what you think?”
My father shakes his head. “No.”
Patterson says nothing.
“Over the course of my career, I’ve had hundreds of players come through my program. Most are extremely talented and ambitious. They would do anything to play on this team in this league, but they were never brave enough to defy me. Because to be an Angel is to be an honor. And then there’s you,” he says to Patterson. “The anomaly of them all.”
“I take that as a compliment, Coach,” he says, giving my dad a cocky grin.
“It wasn’t one.” My dad leans back in his chair and studies Patterson for a long moment. “When you came back to my office that day, after Kendall left, I was ready to end your career. I had the phone in my hand. I was going to call every GM in the league and make sure you never played professional hockey again.”
I look at Patterson, and his expression doesn’t change.
“What stopped you?” Patterson asks.
“Your character,” he says. “I know you’re no bullshit.”
That smirk grows even wider. “You’re right.”
My father watches him for another beat, then sighs before looking at me. “I’m still really fucking angry. I want you both to know that. But I’m tired.”
“I’m sorry for lying to you,” I say.
“Me too,” Patterson adds. “I mean it. That was fucked up. It got out of hand.”
“You don’t have to forgive me right now, just eventually,” I tell him.
“I can do that,” my dad says and turns to Patterson. “Be at the game tomorrow. If we can win it, we’ll still make the playoffs.”
I wait for Patterson to say yes.
Instead, he says, “I’ll think about it.”
