I laugh, leaning against him, his dick slowly rising between us. I rub against it, just to see what he’ll do, and he groans, eyelashes fluttering across his stark features. Without his hair to soften his edges, he’s all muscle and sinew, bones and bright eyes. And he’s happiest under my control.
Such a beast, all mine to enjoy. I lick up the column of his neck, his Adam’s apple bobbing, the cat-like mask glinting in the fluorescent lights. I kick his feet wider, bringing him down to eye level with me, and then I watch him pant, knowing that anticipation is one hell of a torture.
“I caught you,” he says, eyes asking how this game differs between us.
“Yes, you did.” I stroke the side of his face, and he burrows into my touch, my grip on his wrists pure ceremony, but one we’ll both honor. “Do you think you’ve earned a reward?”
“Yes?”
I press my mouth to his, needing to taste his uncertainty. And it’s there in the tentative swipe of his tongue against my lips, asking for permission without words. I wait, just a moment, before I let him in, his sigh of relief making my heart flutter. “Stay,” I command, pressing his hands to the wall. Once I’m sure he’s going to follow directions, I trail my fingers over the corded muscles of his forearms, visible above his rolled-up sleeves, then trail them over his chest, plucking the buttons of his shirt loose so I can feel the heat of him against me.
I missed this.
I’ve missed him.
The puckered scar under my fingers, inches from his heart, forces me to break the kiss, the texture of it new to me, the meaning of it equal parts horrible and wonderful.
I stare at it, the edges still pink, still new enough that it stands in contrast to the rest of him. He almost died. He saved me. But at that moment, the most likelyoutcome was that we wouldn’t see each other again. Like my dad, he could have been gone. Or I could have been.
I’ve given up on keeping my tears in check tonight. There have been too many highs, too many truths that needed to be said. So I press my lips to the scar, letting the salt of my tardy fears coat his chest. “Jansen,” I whisper.
His voice comes out quiet and choked. “I’m here, Clara. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. And if it looks like I am, you and the guys will get me back to where I should be.”
I shake my head against his chest, and I can feel him straining against himself, trying to decide if it would be better to hold me or to continue following my directions. “Do you know what it was like?” I ask, eyes squeezed tight.
“No,” he says, his voice cracking.
“There was so much blood. On me, on Trips. It soaked into the seat of the car, and I had to leave you, the scent of your blood lingering in my nose even after there were miles between us. I recognize the scent of your blood now, Jansen. And I don’t want that. You could have died. And I wasn’t even there with you.”
His need to comfort me has him disregarding my command, and his arms wrap around me, a little too tight, his wiry strength always a surprise. “Clara, I’m so sorry. I scared everyone. I scared myself. Everything was a mess. I was a mess. And I can’t promise that someday I won’t be again.”
“I know. And that’s terrifying, Jansen.”
“It is.”
The truth sucks. I kiss the scar again, my careful touch trying to memorize the shape of an impossible exchange. Ofhis blood for my life. His sanity and my luck. My life versus those willing to give theirs for me. “I love you so damn much.”
“Even if I’m a bit busted?” The pain in his voice has me looking up at him, his lips pressed tight and the mischief in his eyes all but gone as he stares down the hall.
I force his gaze to mine. “We’re all busted around here, Trouble. But no more falling apart alone. If you want to run off, you take one of us with you, even if your plan is to fly to the moon or dig to the center of the earth. Buddy rule.”
His lips twist, his eyes searching me for some answer I wish I knew to give. “I can do that. Or at least, I can try to do that.”
I nod, knowing that’s the best we’re going to get. “I love you. And you promised me a lifetime, so you’d better give it. Understood?”
His eyes lighten, a hint of the twinkle I expect sparking as his grin slowly spreads across his face. “Understood.”
“Good.” I swallow down my lingering fear, running my palms across his chest, reminding myself through touch that he’s still here, alive, and at my mercy. “Then get on your knees.”
Chapter 76
Jansen
Idrop almost before my mind comprehends what she asked, like she has a shortcut to my body, bypassing my brain entirely.
She’s absolute magic.
Sitting back on my heels, I peer up at her, wondering where this is going, anticipation and nerves competing inside me. Am I going to be punished for almost dying? Or am I getting rewarded for catching her? I don’t know, and not knowing is part of the torture.
