His gaze turns to me with the first flare of energy I’ve felt from him in months. This is familiar. Pushing me, challenging me, asking me to prove that I’m at least as good as he is, if not better.
Glancing around the room, I take a second to think, Walker reaching over and starting the movie again, assuming that whatever I’m going to come up with isn’t something we want whoever is watching us to know.
“I can see both doors to the room,” I say as Trips pushes Walker closer to Jansen and takes the side of the couch closest to me.
“Half of the reason. Why else? Imagine the TV’s off.”
I do, then spin to check behind me. “You can probably see the windows reflected in it during the day, right?”
“Yup.”
I risk looking at him, and while his eyes shout fire, grief consumes me. “No one can sneak up on you when you sit here,” I whisper, wishing that wasn’t the reason he always takes this seat.
“Exactly. And it’s a hell of a lot more comfortable than the couch.”
Standing, the popcorn in my arms, I nod to the chair. “Take it.”
He waves a hand at me. “Keep it. You’ll need it more than me. And I can see basically the same shit from here.”
After a second, I settle back into the chair. The rest of the movie flashes in front of me, and I don’t notice any of it. Instead, I cuddle the bowl of popcorn and wish that I existed in an alternate reality. One where this was a typical night. Where there wasn’t disaster around every corner, mountains of memories of terrible things for all of us.
Walker, so overlooked that he gave up on ever being seen for himself, despite being one of the most naturally talented people I’ve ever met.
RJ, responsible for literally keeping a roof over his family’s heads, even though he was only a kid, still carrying that responsibility, adding more and more weight until it’s crushing him.
Jansen, stealing to survive for so long that he can’t survive without the thrill of stealing.
Trips, broken in more ways than anyone ever should be, and still trapped in the iron grip of his abuser.
And me—twisted by consistent small tugs from people I assumed knew better than me for so long that I can’t even figure out what shape I’m supposed to be.
I want the alternate reality so badly, my lungs ache for a breath of pure, free air.
I’m going to make it happen. For all of us.
And the plan begins the second this reprieve ends.
Chapter 44
Clara
Four of us get ready for bed, agreeing to meet in my room, Trips disappearing upstairs after the last movie. My bed isn’t any bigger than the one in the RV, but none of us wants to sleep separately tonight. Not when we have no guarantee of tomorrow.
So once I’ve brushed my teeth, I take a risk, pulling on the slip RJ got for me, the material silky, sensual in a way I haven’t felt in months. Healing was important, but it killed my sex drive for a while. And by the time it came back, the RV was a sweatbox and Tío Juan’s yard wasn’t exactly private, so there haven’t been many opportunities toreallyconnect in the last few months.
But tonight, I want everyone close, to kiss and be kissed, to touch and be touched. Loved. I want us all to feel loved.
When Walker steps through the door in his pajama pants and t-shirt, a wry grin cuts across his face. “It looks like I’ve overdressed for the occasion.”
“Nah. You just wrapped the present,” I tease.
“So did you,” Jansen says, stepping in behind Walker. RJ comes in last, closing the door behind him.
And looking at the three of them there, all their attention on me, I lose my words. Then they move, Jansen crawling behind me, scooping my hair to the side and pressing a kiss to the back of my neck, Walker sliding up to my right, his grip on my chin firm as he pulls my mouth to his.
And RJ grabs one of my pink chairs and pulls it next to the bed, stripping off his shirt and leaning back, his eyes already hooded, a small smile creasing his cheek. “That slip looks just as good this time as the last,” he says, and goosebumps pebble my skin.
Walker glances at him, then over my shoulder at Jansen. With that silent direction, RJ heads for the door, but I trust there’s a reason. I don’t want to figure out what they’re silently communicating, what they’re planning. Instead, I let out the needy beast that wants to play when I’m surrounded by any of my guys.
