Tapping my fingers against my thigh, I think, Trips waiting a little to the side of us, his whole demeanor tight. Even with four feet between us, he can loom. Trips wasbuiltto loom.
But I can’t be a weakness; not anymore. I have to have the strength to keep myself safe before I can keep the rest of them safe, too. “Let’s start here and see what happens.”
RJ nods, then tilts my chin up, forcing me to look into his golden eyes. “If it’s too much, say it. The goal is to learn, not make things worse.”
“I want to try.”
His gaze slips to my lips, and I step into him, taking the kiss he was debating, the heat between us not just from running across the mats. It’s quick but thorough, a strength and a claiming, hot and wet.
When we separate, the weight of Trips’ gaze tugs at me, but I force myself not to look. It would hurt too much. The hollowness is bad enough. I don’t want to fill it with impossible longing.
RJ steps back, and I head to the middle of the room, working up the courage to look at Trips. But then, he’s there in front of me, and both of us have no choice but to meet each other’s eyes.
“Ready?” he grumbles.
“As I can be.”
He takes a step forward and I’m off, yelling and sprinting to the back corner, his thundering steps behind me more ominous than RJ’s familiar footfalls, and my heart stutters in my chest, my palms growing damp. Once I’m cornered, I spin, Trips nearly on me, big, blocking out my view of the rest of the room, of RJ across the way, of any illusion of safety.
For a second, my mind turns blank, but then he reaches for me, and my knee flies up without me having to think about it, slamming into Trips’ palm harder than I did with RJ, satisfaction digging into my gut as Trips’ lips twist. He fakes falling forward, his head above mine, his shoulders cutting the ceiling lights from my view, and I blank again, this time not recovering, instead letting his hands fall heavy on my shoulders.
We freeze there for a moment, my breaths coming in tight pants, my heart racing so fast it’s a whooshing sound in my ears.
I don’t faint as Trips gets closer, his face right above mine. Instead, some part of my brain breaks free from my freeze, and I move without conscious thought. Reaching up, I dig my nails into his forearms, his eyes going wide as I use his grip on my shoulders to support me as I pop onto my toes and dig my teeth into his bottom lip, hard. Neither of us moves, my hold tight as I lower back to my heels.
I don’t let go until the copper tang of his blood hits my tongue.
The shock of it has my mouth dropping open, my fingers flying free of his flesh. “Oh God, I’m so sorry,” I stammer, blood dripping down Trips’ chin, his eyes shiny with some unknown emotion. I lick my lips, getting more blood on my tongue, and Trips spins, cursing and storming across the room to the bathroom, the door slamming behind him.
RJ inches up beside me, his hands out like I’m a feral animal. “Sweetness?”
Blinking rapidly, my heart still whooshing in my ears, I try to focus on something outside of whatever the fuck I just did. “I’m fine. I think I’m fine, at least.”
Opening his arms, I flee into them, needing him to remind me I’m here, not wherever it was my mind just went.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
“I froze. But he kept coming. I, shit RJ, I bit him. Until he bled.”And I liked it.
He holds me, not saying anything. If this were an actual attack, he’d be proud that I broke free from my freeze. But this was practice, and I drew blood. Drew blood and then licked myself clean like some vicious predator would after a kill.
“Do you think he’s okay?” I ask.
“Do you have rabies?”
I scoff. “No.”
“Then he’s fine.”
We’ve packed and cleaned the dojo by the time Trips joins us again, somber. No one mentions my actions, and I don’t know if that makes things better or worse.
The drive home is silent, RJ putting me in the back of the car, as far from Trips as he can, joining him in the front. Almost like he wants to be the barrier between us.
I know he thinks he’s protecting me from Trips.
But maybe it’s the other way around.
Chapter 22
