His lips press against my cheek, and I grin at him. “But sex has to be part of tomorrow, too. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Leaning against him, I remind myself of my promise, and I force a deep breath in and out for courage. “Listen, this is a weird time for this, and you don’t have to say anything back, but I just want you to know that, well, I love you.”
His arms pull me tight against him, his breath making a curl tug away from the rest of my hair. “Clara,” he starts, his voice ragged.
“No, please, don’t say anything back. I just need you to know. The way you always have my back, the way you keep my confidences and give advice, even if it’s the kind I don’t want but truly need, the way I trust you with all the shit in my head, I never thought I’d find someone like that. And I did. With you. You take care of me, not like Walker or Trips, not feeding me or punching shit. You create space for me to breathe, to think, to recoup. And that’s invaluable. I can’t imagine my life without you, RJ.”
His nose presses into the crux of my neck, and I squeeze him closer, his breath uneven.
My phone buzzes, and I know that it’s Emma warning me she’s close.
Clearing my throat, not knowing how to move on from here, I pull him a little closer, then loosen my hold.
But RJ stays where he is, and I let him, the lull of his breath against my skin soothing, calming, quietly comforting in the way RJ always is.
I don’t need the words. It’s enough to know he cares, and for him to have them from me. When he’s ready, they’ll come. But he shows me every day how much I matter to him.
And that is love enough.
Chapter 17
Clara
Emma picks up on the tension between RJ and Trips immediately when they follow us into her apartment, for once blessedly quiet. “I take it your sister isn’t back yet?” I ask, following her to the kitchen while RJ and Trips start installing whatever security RJ brought. With basically no words exchanged. I don’t know if it makes me more or less sad—even not talking, they work well together.
“Nope. Her high school friends are doing nonstop barn parties for the next week, so I’m living solo.”
“Nice.”
“Want to tell me what all that is about?” she asks, nodding at the guys.
“Not until they’re gone. It’s a long story.”And I don’t know how much to share.
“You seem, sad? Are you okay?”
My fingers tap on my leg, and I don’t stop them. “No, but weirdly, I’m better than I was a few weeks ago.”Because eating and sleeping help. Who’d have guessed?“How about we go make you an outfit for tomorrow?”
She grins, but there’s tension around her eyes. “You wouldn’t know what kind of style Evie has? Oh shoot. Do you know if everyone calls her Evie? Or is it a family nickname? I don’t want to mess this up.”
“Ooo! Emma has a crush!” I tease as she drags me to her bedroom.
“Yes, I do, and I haven’t even met the girl. This is bad. Really bad, Clara.”
I tackle her onto her bed, wrapping myself around her. “You’re hot, you’re fun, you’re smart. Just be yourself and either she’ll like you, or she’s nothing more than crush material.”
She laughs, trying to pry herself out of my grip. “I haven’t had a real crush in so long, I’m panicking.”
“Then we’ll pick out the hottest outfit for tomorrow. Fashion armor is more helpful than I’d realized.”
“You’ve gained fashion armor experience over break?”
The shredded pink silk on the blue rug at Trips’ house flashes through my mind. “Yeah. It didn’t go quite as well as I’d hoped, but it helped.”
Her curiosity sparkles, but I ignore it. “So, what do you wear to a bluegrass concert?”
She laughs. “You might not have been the best assistant.”
