I need to know how everyone is and that the plan is still moving on their end. And I need to let the guys know that I’m okay. Mostly okay. Which is better off than I thought I’d be, even if I never would have told them that.
If I had, we’d never have gotten this far.
Mattie meets us at the door, and after a quick consultation, I’m invited to walk the grounds with her. I feel like I stepped foot into a historical drama when Smith says those words to me. Buta chance to be outside is a chance I don’t question, so I follow the girl out back while Falk marches Trips toward the rose garden.
The pending storm from earlier still hasn’t hit, but the sky is dark enough that it looks more like night than day. “Wait, how are you out of school this early?” I ask Mattie, Smith giving us fake privacy from about fifteen feet back.
“Early release day. I’m killing time before I go to the movies,” she says, shooting me a grin.
“Are you, then? How were the movies last week?”
“Great. Thanks for asking.” She dances on her toes, too excited to keep it contained. What would I give to be healed enough to find an outlet for my energy?
“So, what can you tell me about your friend?”
She hops onto a bench along the path, walking it like it’s a balance beam. “Well, he’s really sweet, and kind, and he says the nicest things to me. He wants to get me gifts, but I don’t know how to explain that to Father, so instead, he brings me all my favorite foods. Oh, and he’s hot. Like super-hot.”
“Always a plus.”
With power that reminds me of her brother, and hints at the mountain of fencing awards she’s gathered over the years, she leaps from the bench, turning to walk backwards as I catch up. “Say, are you the same age as Trips?”
“No. I’m a year behind all the guys.” I probably shouldn’t be talking about them like we’re still together, but we are, and I don’t want to lie to Mattie. There are too many lies, too much silence for the buoyant girl before me. I will not be like the rest of her family. And it’s not like the head of the household doesn’t know my situation. Like hell I’m going to pretend my heart doesn’t belong to all the guys.
All of them.
Even the silent, grumpy one.
Not that I’m telling him that yet. Repairing trust doesn’t happen overnight, as much as I wish it did.
“I think I get the appeal of older guys,” Mattie says, pulling me from my thoughts.
One year isn’t much of an age gap, but at fifteen, I guess it is. “Yeah? Your friend is older?”
Her chin ducks as I catch up to her. “Yeah.”
There’s more there, so I stay quiet, hoping she’ll take the opening.
“Say, I know this is weird, but I’ve talked to my friends, and they’re useless about this stuff. Their families don’t care if they date. And none of them have anything like the restrictions I have, so I’m not sure they’re the best ones to give me advice. So, I know this is awkward and all, but yeah.” She clears her throat. “How do you know when you’re, you know, ready?”
I blink back my surprise. Mattie must really be struggling if she brought this to me. “Honestly? Probably a month after you think you are.”
She giggles. “What does that even mean?”
“It means I haven’t always made the best choices. And my mistakes landed me here. More or less.”
“That’s bleak.”
“Maybe a little. But your father, he’s…”
“An evil megalomaniac who needs everything in his life to be exactly the way he wants it to be?”
I laugh. “Yeah. That. So, you, more than anyone, have to be careful. You can’t rush into anything. The risks are too high.”
Her face drops. “That’s what I figured.”
“It’s not what you wanted to hear.”
“No, but still. It’s good to have an adult’s opinion.”
