The chances of my parents knowing where I am are slim, and even if they did know, there isn’t much, or anything, they could do. Even so, it’s like the thin veneer of safety that I had is now punctured, leaving me vulnerable in a way I can’t put my finger on.
No matter how minuscule the chance is of me seeing my parents again, the fact that it isn’tzerois nothing short of unsettling.
To top that off, Ian’s leaving for a week, and he stands for a lot about my new life: freedom, growth, happiness, you name it. Now that my old life is creeping back, I don’t want to be apart from him.
A little voice in the back of my head asks me if I'm becoming codependent.
The feeling of gentle fingers through my hair shuts that voice up. Being alittlecodependent can’t hurt too much, right?
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks.
No.
“Yeah. I’m a little unsettled, but I’ll be fine,” I reply.
He crosses his arms, looking me up and down. It’s like Ian’s taking in everything about me—my expression, posture, and everything I’m not saying but desperately trying to hide.
“I don’t buy it,” he says after a while. “You can tell me anything, Cal.”
“This isn’t a great time for me to be alone.” I inhale a sharp breath and let it out along with my words. “But you have your away games, so don't worry about me. I'll figure something out.”
His eyebrows bunch, and his lips part tentatively, like he’sfinding the right words. Then he sighs, reaching out to pull me closer by the waist.
“Nah. You’re coming with me. We’ll stay at my parents’ place in New York, and we’ll figure things out from there. I’m not leaving you behind like this.”
My eyes fly open. Does he have a solution toeverything? I tilt my head up so he won’t see my shock, and when he leans over to plant a kiss on my head, that shock morphs into guilt. It’s not that he has a solution for everything.
Hehasto, for my sake.
“I always make you take care of me,” I murmur. “It isn’t fair.”
Ian shakes his head, frowning at me. “That’s not true, and even if it was, I wouldn’t mind.”
Sure, he doesn’t mindnow, but what about in a month? Or after that, if he doesn’t get sick and tired of getting nothing back for everything he gives?
“I don’t want you to resent me for being useless. I’ll take care of myself,” I insist.
Christ, I’m even parroting my parents. They really squirmed back into my life with nothing more than a two-line DM.
“What the—” Ian cuts himself off and regroups. “Callum. If you need something, I’ll help. That’s what people do in a relationship.”
“Yeah, and there’s supposed to be balance,” I reply. There aren’t too many ways he can spin the facts—anyone can see that it’s him who’s doing all the heavy lifting between us, and I’m just lying around, taking endlessly.
“I’m not with you for what you can do for me.” Ian’s voice is firm and measured, more than I would have expected. “Me helping isn’t out of grudging obligation; it’s because I care about the guy I—” He pauses, leaving me hanging as he lets out a huff. “I like youso much, Cal. This is just a part of that.”
“I don’t like feeling useless,” I counter.
“Callum…” Ian tenses. “Look, I’m not usually blunt, but I’m gonna be for a bit.” He sucks in air and shuts his eyes. “Shut the fuck up about being useless.”
Jesus, what’ll it take for me to get through to him? Unfamiliar, unwelcome exasperation bubbles up, and even though I try to push it down, I’m not successful.
His arm is still on my waist, and I push it away, making him blink as his mouth falls open.
“I stillfeeluseless.” My voice is shaky, and I hardly recognize it. “I need to do stuff on my own, too. I can’t sit on my ass and rely on you to save me whenever my screwed-up past messes with me.”
Ian stays silent. For a second, his eyes go soft, giving him a hurt, wounded expression, but he hardens as soon as my gaze connects with his.
My heart sinks. I never, ever want to see him resigned and quiet like this again, but I can’t take back words that already left my stupid mouth. Whatever guilt was sinking in my gut before is amplified by a magnitude of a hundred.
