It lasted a second. Maybe less.
Then he shouldered his bag and walked toward the door.
I finished packing. Taking my time. Giving him enough distance so that we wouldn't end up in the tunnel at the same time.
Kieran waited for me in the parking garage. He stood at his car, bag already in the trunk.
I was already smiling, or trying to. The news was still assembling itself into something I could process, but the shape of it looked like good news. Kieran would stay and keep the line intact, two more years in the same city. I wanted it to feel the way it looked.
"Two years," I said.
I closed the distance and pulled him in. One arm around his shoulders, the other hand on the back of his neck, the way I'd held him a dozen times.
He wrapped his arms around me, reaching for the right places on my back. Every point of contact was correct.
And none of it was real.
I knew Kieran's body when it wanted to be held. His weight shifted forward, and there was a half-second where his breath changed.
This wasn't it. This was Kieran returning a hug at a charity event. Firm. Appropriate. Timed.
I stepped back.
His face was pleasant. Open.
"What happened to leaving?" I asked.
"It wasn't the right move."
I knew that voice. I'd sat beside it in press conferences. He was talking to me the way we talked to Miles Rowan.
"For whom?"
As soon as the words landed, I wanted to take them back. It was supposed to be a celebration, not an interrogation.
Kieran's jaw shifted. The muscle below his ear compressed once and released.
"For me."
No hesitation.
"Okay," I said.
The word meant what it always meant when a Donnelly said it. I've received this. I will carry it away and examine it alone where you can't watch.
Kieran heard the tone. He knew exactly what it meant.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he said.
"Yeah."
I turned first.
Behind me, Kieran's car started. The sound of his tires receded as he drove down the ramp.
I stood at my car with my keys in my hand and let the garage settle into silence.
When I arrived at my apartment, I set my bag down. Didn't unpack.
