“No,” she said softly, more to herself than to him. “No, I can’t marry you.”
Seemingly agreeing with her, the lieutenant nodded, but then spoke.
“I’m afraid it’s too late.”
Louisa blinked. Then, she turned away, unwilling to allow him to see any emotions that might appear on her face. She didn’t know this man, nor anything about him except for the fact that he was partially deaf and a war hero.
Well, that wasn’t terrible. Only a truly honorable person could be a hero and while his hearing was certainly an issue, he had managed to continue in the world despite it. Not to mention he was very pleasing to look at, with his dark hair and penetrating dark eyes. Were they truly black or some other color, like mahogany brown? She couldn’t tell from this far away. And Louisa wasn’t sure exactly why, but she was quite drawn to the little frown lines on the edge of his mouth. He seemed to have a permanent pout and it made her curious.
“I’m sorry,” she heard him say from behind her and she whipped around to face him.
What was he sorry for?
“It’s not your fault, though, is it? In truth, this is all my doing.”
Most of the people in her life had never taken responsibility for their actions and Louisa loathed it. She was adamant to do the opposite, if only out of spite. It was her least favorite attribute of a person and she was determined to take every bit that life had to throw at her and be grateful, lest she became like her mother.
“I don’t think it was anyone’s fault, except perhaps Bessie.”
The lieutenant’s use of Mrs. Dove-Lyon’s Christian name made Louisa uncomfortable. There seemed to be a history between them, and while Mrs. Dove-Lyon was significantly older than the lieutenant, matters of the heart rarely adhered to rules of propriety. Even Louisa understood that, in all her innocence.
But to be married to a stranger, even a hero, was as unfathomable as it was ludicrous. Louisa May Babcock was not meant for any sort of public life. As the granddaughter of peers, she had been allotted some societal privileges, yes, but her family was only rich in name. Their country home in Shropshire had been humble, a sizeable cottage at best. They had a cook, a maid, and a footman, but nothing about them was fashionable, and the idea of being the wife of a wartime hero, well. It was overwhelming.
“I fear, Lieutenant, that you might suffer the most from this. I am not wealthy, or clever. I’m pretty, but not beautiful, and I’m not well versed in French, Italian, or German.”
The lieutenant frowned, confused.
“Should you be?”
Louisa gave him a self-deprecating smile.
“What I mean to say is, I’ve not been brought up to be a war hero’s wife. To be honest, I’ve barely been raised to be a proper lady. I wouldn’t know where to begin.”
For a long moment, the lieutenant seemed to study her, but Louisa was determined to be honest with him. She was confident that she would be able to talk her way out of this mistake because that’s what it was. A massive, massive mistake.
“What sort of woman do you think would make a good wife for a war hero?”
Louisa smiled anxiously. She always smiled when she was uncomfortable. She had learned early on that the world did not care about her comforts or lack thereof. It only cared for howshe reacted, and that reaction could only be witty. Not self-deprecating, not pouty. It could only be clever, as it weeded out the less-than-sharp minds.
“I suppose, a war hero might be partial to a wife who was good at entertaining or speaking. I assume one would want the sort of wife that would be able to entertain soldiers, generals, and dignitaries. I am not that sort of woman.”
“And what sort of woman are you?”
Louisa opened her mouth to answer, but then she couldn’t quite figure out an answer. She wasn’t the sort to entertain great men. She was quiet and kind and had lived an unassuming life thus far.
“I’m afraid I’m a rather simple woman, sir,” she started slowly. “I only ever wanted peace.”
He frowned.
“Peace?”
“Yes.”
“In what manner?”
Louisa inhaled deeply. Surely, it was too soon to reveal so much about herself, and yet, she was talking to her husband-to-be. As silly as that was. Once they were finished with this conversation, the lieutenant would realize what a poor match they were.
Biting her bottom lip, Louisa exhaled.
