“Haze, if we fuck this up again…” I look up to the sky.
“What?” he coaxes, stroking my cheek. “What will happen?”
I take a breath, feeling the anxiety creeping in.Now is not the time to panic, it’s Austin. Your best friend.
“I will die, Haze. I will fucking die because I can’t take heartbreak like that again.”
When his eyebrows knit together, and his body tenses just that little bit more, I understand now that he never even knew I was heartbroken. He thought that’s what I wanted. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I cup the other side of his face. “You did the right thing. We both had things we had to do and accomplish, that part I get, but I’ve never found anyone to connect to like I do with you.”
“You don’t know what it means to me hearin’ you say that,” he confesses. “And when the time is right, I wanna make it up to you. Instead of you beggin’ me, I want to be the one beggin’ you. On my knees, crawlin’ to you.”
My lips part but no sound comes out.
“Babe?” he chuckles. “Did I render you speechless?”
“Neither of us has to beg, especially not you.”
“I don’t know, it could be kinda kinky.” He winks at me and I chuckle, even though a tear betrays me. Haze wipes it away with his thumb.
“Trust you to spoil a touching moment.”
“I love you, don’t ever forget that. Everythin’ I do, good or bad, is because it’s always been you.” He puts a finger over my lips. “You don’t have to say it back, only if and when you’re ready. That’s what I want more than anythin’ else.”
I do love him. I’ve always loved him. “I don’t have to wait, Aust. You know I’ve never stopped loving you, even when I was heartbroken and mad and all the other things, but I have to get better at this, because what we did before didn’t work.”
“I know that, which is why I’m sayin’ we do it right this time. It isn’t just about rekindlin’ what we had, it’s about fallin’ in love all over again.”
His words shock me, but he’s right.
“I’m always gonna be me. I don’t know if that’s really what you had in mind. I’m stubborn, impatient, hotheaded?—”
“And beautiful, giving, generous and kind,” he finishes. “Don’t sell yourself short.”
“Is that a poke at my height?”
He presses a kiss to my lips. “Never.Shorty.”
“I’ll remember you said that when you’re on your knees.”
“Oh, that day is comin’,Little One,it’s comin’ real soon.”
I know it’s a promise he intends to keep, even if I fail to admit this is scary territory. Haze has the power to ruin me like nobody else. I just hope he knows what he’s doing with my heart this time.
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN
Haze
My neck is sore when I wake up because I was the idiot who opted to sleep on the couch. I don’t know why I chose tonight to be a fucking saint, but deep inside a part of me knows that if we really want to make things last this time, we have to go about them differently. I want nothing more than to be in bed with my girl, but I also know that this isn’t just about our physical attraction. It’s so much more than that. If I tried to break it down into words, they’d never come, but I know how I feel, and I know she does too.
I meant every word I said, including that Willow doesn’t have to say it back. The fact she told me she’s always loved me was enough, but it also made me think about that time and what we’d both been through. I’m also battling with the fact that I’m lying to her about the threats. I know it’s for her own good, but the guilt flooded through me when I made that speech about honesty and communication. She’ll nail my ass if I don’t come clean, but I need some rock hard evidence before any of that happens. I’m not here because of that — just to protect her. I’m here because she’s my wife and I intend on keeping it that way.
I roll over, yawning. I left Crunch in his crate — it’s the size of Manhattan for a rabbit, but I don’t like to leave him for long periods of time. If I’d thought about it, I should’ve brought him here for the night, not that I’ve introduced him to Willow. I don’t know what she’d think of him, though, she’s always been an animal person. It’s in her nature to be kind, but having a job like hers leaves her with no time for a pet.
She grew close to Callaghan’s dog, Calli, when they were partners, and she sees them both often. But rabbits aren’t like dogs or cats, they’re way less needy.
