“That’s not fair and you know it. Like you’re some Mr. Perfect all wrapped up in a bow?”
“Willow. I love you, but maybe we need a break.”
I stare at him, a cold flush washing over my skin. Life without Austin? I can’t even fathom it. “A b-break?”
“Yeah.”
“You really mean that.” It isn’t even a question. He’s checked out. I can see it in his eyes.
“I want to fight for us, but I don’t know how.”
“It’s easy, you show up every day,” I say, my words stinging just a little.
“Like you do?” He piques a brow.
“See what I mean? We just squabble like little kids.”
“Babe, I’m not askin’ for a divorce, just… this has been a rocky year. Maybe we just need to find ourselves again.”
I take it as a knock to the heart. Just another one in a long line where my family is concerned. “You don’t want me anymore?”
He comes toward me, but I hold up my hands. “Aust. That’s what you’re really saying?”
“Stop puttin’ words in my mouth.”
“Is there someone else?”
“There will never be anyone else. Ever. Got me?”
I shake my head, tears forming. “You don’t know that.”
“I do know, but all we do is fight, and I don’t know how to get past this.”
Why does everything he says sound like goodbye?
I can’t handle this. I don’t deal with my emotions well, and Austin is so much better at expressing himself. Which is weird, I know, but I’m starting to think I was stunted at birth. I guess neither of my parents are open people. We don’t share feelings at home, or talk about anything other than surface stuff. Heck, my dad will probably throw a party when he hears we may be taking a break.
That’s what breaks my heart the most. I love Austin. But if I’m honest, we do fight. A lot. And I don’t know how to fix it.
“So your answer is to ‘take a break?’” I roll my eyes. “What about that for better or worse part?” He looks so fucking sad as he shoves his hands in his pockets. He’s trying. I know he is. But I have a lot of anger. Holy shit, am I a bitch? Did I do this to us? I know I can’t take all the blame, but I’m not an easy person to live with.
“It won’t matter what I say, you’ll take it the wrong way.” He throws up his hands and turns to walk away.
“So that’s it?” I fire back. “You’re just gonna walk away?”
“You flinch when I come near you. I need some air.” I watch his back as he retreats. Sadness washes over me. Why am I like this?
Is something wrong with me? Guilt washes over me like a rain cloud, but then I remember his words earlier about neverbeing good enough and all I want to do is please my parents. That made me angry. He’s wrong.
I said my marriage vows, and I meant them. It didn’t matter we were both drunk, and probably out of our minds running off like that, but we made a commitment. Now Austin doesn’t even want to be here.
I love my job and what I do, but I love him, too. It’s almost like he’s asking me to choose, but then saying, ‘spread your wings’. I’m so confused.
My dad’s words come back to haunt me about us getting married too young and it’ll never last.
I don’t want to prove him right, in fact, that’s the last thing I want.
“Don’t leave,” I whisper, but he’s already gone.
