“It has thrown you?”
I’ve seen the movie several times, despite having much more of a penchant for queer women of a certain age than ‘girls’—or women in their thirties, like the actors in the movie.
It was the most talked about film last summer, despite only being a modest indie feature.I’m old enough to have witnessed something small-scale grow into a massive juggernaut a couple of times in my life, simply because the time is right for it and everything about the movie just works.The script.The execution—where, according to my sister, most movies go wrong.The casting of queer actors for the three main parts, of which Avery was one—although, I’m getting a sense she might not be totally okay with that.There’s a lot to figure out here.
“Sienna and Stella, they’re… they have their partners and they’re such massive, um, well, lesbians, I guess, whereas I’ve never really, like, necessarily wanted to label myself like that.”
I mentally pat myself on the back for getting it right.
“We became close during the shoot, and they keep referring to our little gang of three as ‘Dykes and the City’.”She gives a terse shake of the head.“It’s also the name of our WhatsApp group, and it just annoys the hell out of me.Why does it have to be called that?Why does everything always have to be so gay?Why can’t we just be us?Three regular female friends doing what we do?”
“This is Sienna Bright and Stella Flack you’re referring to?”I’m not asking for confirmation, just to give her a little breather after that big reveal—it’s extremely revealing to me, at least.
“Yeah.I mean, I love them, I really do, but…”
I give her space to finish her thought.
“Sometimes, they’re just too queer for me.”
People rarely put it so bluntly, but Avery does.It gives me more to work with.
“Because they’re both in long-term relationships?”I ask, taking a chance.
“What?No.I don’t care about that.I get along fine with Justine and Kate—even the kid.”She holds up her hand.“Admittedly, Justine is more of an acquired taste.She’s very intense and… I don’t know.I’m not sure she likes me all that much.”
“Why do you think so?”Justine Blackburn is Sienna Bright’s partner—and I’ve seen the movie about her several times.
“It’s just a feeling.I mean, Justine is like… the queerest of the queer, you know?And I get why she is like that.I totally get it, but… I don’t know.I have this underlying feeling that we don’t totally see eye to eye because… I don’t feel the need to discuss the fact that I’m gay all the time.It’s not that significant a thing about me.It’s, like, almost negligible.”She pauses, then fixes her gaze on me.“Some gay people really can’t deal with people like me.They see it like a personal affront, or an attack even”—she curls her fingers into air quotes—“‘after all they’ve been through.’”
“What exactly do they see as an affront?”
“Take Gay Pride,” Avery says.“I never go because I don’t feel the need.It’s not me.And, honestly, it doesn’t always paint the prettiest of pictures…” She scoffs.“But this is not an opinion I can express among my friends.”
“Are you not proud to be gay?”I’m only asking because I know what she’s going to say, and it’s important she says it so we can unpack it together.
“Why is that something to be proud of?It’s not an achievement.I just like women.I don’t see why I have to shout it from the rooftops.”
“But what if, in this instance, pride is simply the opposite of shame?”I prod.
“I’m not ashamed to be gay.”Her tone is sharp and perhaps a touch angry.“It’s just not that important.”She shuffles in her seat, uncrosses and recrosses her legs.“Are you proud to be gay?”It sounds more like an accusation than a question.
“I’m very proud to be gay.”I make sure to keep my tone neutral.This isn’t about me—or about how I beamed with pride and utter joy when Lois and I got married.
“I bet you march in the Pride parade.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I get it.Things were different for you.You’re, um, older.A different generation.”
“Did you come out to your parents?”I ask, ignoring her comment about my age—although she’s right.
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She shrugs.“I honestly don’t know how they feel about it.I think they’re okay with it.As I said, we don’t talk about our feelings much.”
“In the trailer park?”My turn to be naughty.
