The very last thread that was holding me together disintegrates there and then.The last woman who made me come was Lois.Now, I’m about to invite this hot movie star into the bed I shared with my wife.It’s a bit of a mindfuck but, again, it’s easy.It’s natural.When I take her hand and lead her up the stairs, I only feel the wild throb of my clit between my legs.I don’t feel like a bad person—yet.
“You are so fucking gorgeous,” Avery says when we’re in my bedroom and she’s zipping down my dress.“All afternoon, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
It’s been so long since someone has called me beautiful with such utter conviction in their voice.My insides are on fire while the entire expanse of my skin is a field of goosebumps.
At last, it’s my turn, and I can take that vest off her.It sure did the trick, because I couldn’t keep my eyes off her either—neither could anyone else.But Avery’s not a prize to me, as she might be to some in this town.She’s someone who touches something deep inside of me—something untouched for far too long.This is by no means just sex.I know because I would be able to easily resist that.It’s the very reason why I haven’t had sex with anyone since Lois.I wasn’t interested, but I am now.My entire body’s buzzing with anticipation.I’ve seen Avery naked from the waist up—if I’m completely honest, and there’s no more need to fool myself now, it’s probably the biggest reason why I’ve seen her movie so many times—but real life is so much more exciting than a screen.
I peel the vest off her and that red bra takes whatever’s left of my breath away.She kisses me and I kiss her back with all I have in me, my tongue full of longing and my lips only wanting more.But she’s in charge.Like she’s about to make her promise from before come true.Or maybe I need it to feel like this in order to go through with this, to fully surrender to her—it needs to feel like a kind of capitulation.
Of my common sense, but also of the walls I’ve built around my heart.To have the woman you love most in the world ripped from your life in an instant, to get that call, to go through that kind of unexpected, unimaginable grief, will do that to you.But also, to have all those years as a psychologist under my belt and be utterly unable to heal myself… until today.Maybe it’s just another way of rationalizing it for myself, but Avery’s touch is healing.Transforming.She’s not here because she’s my client—that’s just the unfortunate fact of how we met.
Her hands travel up my back, to the clasp of my bra, which she unlocks with practiced ease.She leans back and studies my face as she lowers my bra.Until her gaze is pulled downward.To have the body with the most wear and tear is a new sensation to me, but I know what it’s like to fall for an older woman and it stops me comparing myself to her.Because it’s not about the bounciness of our breasts or the smoothness of our skin.That’s not why Avery’s gaze is glued to my chest.It’s because we can’t possibly stop this.Because we, somehow, need this—each for different reasons, I’m sure.
She lets out a small, exhilarating gasp before reaching for my breasts.She cups them in her hands and looks me in the eye and with the same irresistible confidence she responded to Ida Burton earlier, she says, “I’m going to make you come so hard, Nic.”
I easily believe her, because there is no reason whatsoever to doubt her.I may be fifty-four, but my clit thumps with the hard and unapologetic rhythm of need.And I have plenty of lube.
I swallow hard at her words, at her brazen promise, at how she looks at me as though she wants to devour every last ounce of me.As though she won’t rest until she has conquered every inch of my skin.But she’s already got me.Because I’m here—we’re here.Beyond reason, perhaps, but sometimes, it’s the only place you have left to go.
I unhook her bra and stare at her breasts.Not because they’re perfect—although they might as well be—but because this level of attraction has become entirely foreign to me.I hardly still feel like myself—like the Nic of the past five years.This level of desire for another woman throws me but it also lights me up.
“Oh, fuck,” I murmur.Then, it’s all a blur.Lust takes over, and we fall onto the bed, somehow losing the rest of our clothes—underwear included—and Avery’s knee is between my legs.
She kisses me everywhere, and her kiss is utterly addictive.When her lips skate along my neck, every cell in my body responds.When she sucks my nipple into her mouth, a loud, lion-like groan escapes me.But when she stops kissing me, sits astride me, looks me straight in the eye and grabs both my wrists to pin them above my head, I lose every last sense of decorum.Of who I am outside this bedroom with her.
“Don’t move.”It’s only a whisper, but not a command that can be ignored.
She scrambles off the bed and quickly returns with her blood-red bra.She uses it to tie both my wrists to the bedpost.She does not ask if this is okay and, frankly, that’s the biggest turn-on of all.Perhaps I should have known she’d be a massive top, but I’m fresh out of experience with that.
Her gaze locks onto mine, and she maneuvers so she’s lying next to me.Her hands have free rein over my exposed body.
Lightly, she circles a fingertip over my nipples.Her hands drift down, and her fingers are featherlight as I spread for her.She barely touches me, but I feel it everywhere.
“What do you like?”she asks, then just grins and, instead of letting me reply, kisses me on the lips, while her fingertip edges along my clit.“Don’t tell me,” she says, after that kiss.“I like to find out for myself.”
I’m completely speechless now.Because I could not have predicted this.When I got into her car, I could not foresee being tied to my bedpost with that intoxicating red bra that was peeking out from underneath her vest, my body ready to explode at her next touch.
She slides her hand up my belly, in between my breasts, along the sensitive skin of my neck.Then she brings two fingers to my lips, lightly drags them along, until I open my mouth for her.Her fingers slide in and I wet them for her—and for me.
With her body pressed so close to mine, I can feel her breath is shallow and unsteady.She’s enjoying this as much as I am.
She brings her moist fingers between my legs and circles my clit again, but with much more intent this time around.The kind of intent that makes me squirm against the restraint of my wrists.
All the while, her gaze does not leave my face and her watching me like that has the same effect as her wet fingers on my clit.God, how I want those fingers inside me.How I want to tell her about the lube in the nightstand’s drawer.How I want her tongue to do what her fingers are doing now.But I’m still speechless and this is Avery’s show.This is how she wants it and I’m more than willing to give that to her.
Either way, if she keeps doing this, keeps egging me on with her gaze while her finger is insistent like that, I might just come already.My middle-aged body has some life left in it yet—more than some.Then, she brings her hand to her own mouth and dribbles saliva onto it.Before my brain can catch up, her fingers are back between my legs, claiming entrance.I have no idea how wet I am but in this moment, I have to trust her.That’s what’s implied when someone ties you to a bedpost.
I feel only all-encompassing pleasure as her fingers slip inside me.She’s gentle, probing, and very careful.
“Oh, Jesus,” she mutters.“Oh, Nic,” she groans, as though it’s my fingers inside of her.But I suppose fucking your therapist like this can be a huge turn-on.
Her fingers are hot and nimble inside me.She lowers her head to mine and kisses me on the lips, her tongue only slipping into my mouth briefly, before making a quick path down.Her fingers keep driving inside me as she somehow positions herself between my legs and the next thing I know my clit is in her mouth and her fingers are high inside me and my undoing is complete.
I come as hard as she predicted earlier.Harder than I ever dreamed possible.Much harder than I’m supposed to—because nothing is less allowed in my life than this.
Chapter13
Avery
