“Even though they’re all gay?”
“But that never even factored into the equation for me.For me, it’s a great movie.For everyone else, it seems to be a greatqueermovie.”I expel a sigh.“The movie isn’t even about being queer, despite the quite obnoxious title.”
“It’s not?”
Now, she’s really goading me.Dr.Nic’s really good at it as well.
“No, it’s about freeing yourself from the shackles of capitalism.”
“Sure.”What did she say the first time I was here?I’m not here to judge.I’m feeling pretty judged right about now.
I give the kind of shrug that I imagine my teenage self excelled at.
“Avery,Queer Girl Summeris a queer movie,” Nic says.“A beautiful ode to sapphic women, in my opinion.”
“Well, you would say that.”I all but stomp my foot on the floor, but the plush rug underneath my chair muffles the sound.
“Why is it so difficult for you to just say you’re a queer actor who starred in a queer movie?”she asks, ignoring my jibe.
“Because…” As an argument, it’s rather weak.
“Could it be, and please, correct me if you think I’m wrong,” Nic says.“Which I’m sure you’ll do.”Her smile is kind of sexy but infuriating at the same time.“That you’re not completely okay with being gay?”
“What?”My hackles go all the way up.“Fuck, no.”
Nic opens her hands, as if to say, do elaborate.
“Not all gay people are the same, simply because not all humans are the same.Just because I don’t volunteer at a queer homeless shelter, doesn’t mean I’m not okay with being gay.I’m just a different person than Sienna who, by the way, had no interest in volunteer work before she got with Justine.”
“Have you been to the shelter?”Nic asks.
“No.Have you?”
“I have not.”She smiles again.“You got me there, but my point is that the Rainbow Shelter wouldn’t need to exist if we were really post-queer.If it no longer mattered.”
“That is such a fucking unfair comparison.”
“I’m just pointing out that activism is still extremely necessary and, whether you like it or not, starring inQGShas made you a queer icon.”
“But I don’t want to be a queer icon.”
“What do you want to be, then?”
“Just, I don’t know… a stealth lesbian.Just a woman, really.”
“I know fame is tricky.I know that being under a microscope does funny things to you.It invariably messes with your head.It always does.And when you compare yourself to your friends, you may feel less-than, but let me assure you they’ve had the same struggles as you.Not identical, but definitely similar.”
I shake my head.“I can’t talk to them about this stuff.They’re always on my case about being too defensive and not in touch with my feelings and other bullshit like that.”
“You can talk to me,” Nic says.
“Can I?”
“Of course.”
“For a minute there, I felt quite judged by you.”
“It’s not just my job to listen to you.”That edge of strictness in her voice does something to me it really shouldn’t.“I’m also here to challenge you, which is not the same as judging.”
