“Yeah. Just—” I hesitate. I should put the phone away. Should focus on Chloe, on this date, on the life I’m building. But Rachel is still the twins’ mother, even if she hasn’t totally acted like it in three years. And ignoring her feels wrong, even if answering her feels worse. “It’s Rachel. My ex.”
Something flickers across Chloe’s face —surprise, maybe, or concern— but she keeps her voice neutral. “Oh.” She adjusts her napkin in her lap. “Do you need to...?”
“I don’t know.” I look at the messages, my thumb hovering over the screen. “She texts maybe twice a year. Birthdays and Christmas. This is three times and it’s never back to back.”
“Maybe you should check. Make sure nothing’s wrong.”
I open the messages.
Rachel:Hey. Hope you and the girls are doing well.
Rachel:I’m getting married. Thought you should know.
Rachel:His name is Trevor. He’s good to me. I’m happy.
The words sit there on the screen, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.
Relief? Anger? Nothing?
“Jonah?” Chloe’s voice is careful. “What did she say?”
“She’s getting married.” I set the phone down, face-up, like I need to prove I’m not hiding anything but I know with Chloe I don’t. “To someone named Trevor. She says she’s happy.”
Chloe is quiet for a moment. “How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know.” It’s the honest answer. I take a drink of my wine and let it settle. “Part of me wants to be happy for her. She gets to move on, start over, build the life she wanted.” I pick up my wine glass again, then set it down without drinking. “But part of me is angry. Because she gets to be happy while the twins grow up without their mother. She gets to start fresh while I’m still explaining to Ava why Mommy doesn’t call. She knows who Rachel is, I’ve never hid it. But I feel like I’m the one always making excuses.”
“That’s valid,” Chloe says quietly.
“Is it? Or am I just bitter?” I run my hand through my hair. “She gave me the twins. Even if she left, even if she hurt us— they’re the best thing in my life. How can I be angry at someone who gave me that?”
“Because she hurt your daughters and you feel for them. That’s one of the things I appreciate about you— your big heart. But, Jonah, she hurt you, too.” Chloe reaches across the table, covering my hand with hers. “You’re allowed to feel complicated things about her, Jonah. She’s not just the person who gave you the twins. She’s also the person who walked away from them.”
My phone buzzes again.
Rachel:I know I don’t have the right to ask, but are they okay? The girls?
I stare at the message, something hot and bitter rising in my throat. “She wants to know if they’re okay. If the girls are okay.”
“What are you going to tell her?”
“That they’re perfect. That they’re thriving. That they’re happy.” I look up at Chloe. “That they have someone in their lives who actually shows up for them.”
I know the words are biting. But I feel bitten. On behalf of our daughters and for me.
Chloe’s eyes are soft. “Hey, you don’t have to answer her. Not tonight.”
“I know. But if I don’t...” I shake my head. “She’s still their mother. Even if she doesn’t act like it. Even if they don’t remember her. They might want to know her someday, and if I cut her off completely, that’s my choice, not theirs.”
“You’re a better person than most people would be in your position.”
“Or I’m an idiot who can’t let go.”
“No.” Chloe’s voice is firm. “You’re a father who’s trying to do right by his daughters. Even when it’s hard. Even when it costs you something.” She squeezes my hand. “That’s not being an idiot. That’s being a good dad.”
I look at this woman across from me —this woman who came into my life and changed everything— and I feel something shift in my chest.
“I need to tell you something,” I say.
