He didn’t realize my discomfort at his last-minute, unscheduled stop, but inside, my mind was at war with itself. As we drove into the parking lot at Dad’s care home, I did some deep breathing exercises my therapist suggested might help when I find myself in the midst of an OCD spiral. Inwardly, I told myself change doesn’t mean disaster, that I can adjust and still manage my day. It’s uncomfortable that Cole changed the route but I remind myself I can handle discomfort. Jane and I have been working on this during my exposure and response prevention therapy sessions.
When Cole asked me what I was doing I lied and told him I was feeling sick from drinking too much, which he and Sapphire both seemed to believe.
I hate being this way and I hate lying.
If Sapphire thought breakfast with my family was intimate, I’m finding her being here with my dad even more personal. It felt like a step too far because while I am opening up to Sapphire, it’s all moving very quickly.
However, while I was nervous about Sapphire meeting Dad, I really shouldn’t have been because I had nothing to worry about. After all, for the last twenty minutes, Sapphire has been chatting happily to him about the beautiful summer we’ve had again this year, naming every flower in the garden, along with their Latin or scientific names. She must have read every book since the day she attended school, because she can even identify the species of frogs in the pond we’re walking around.
There’s so much about her that I still have to discover.
Even wearing a borrowed pale-pink summer dress with a brown belt to help cinch the waist, and matching brown ankle boots from Arianna, it isn’t exactly her style, but it’s close, and she still looks beautiful.
I’ve been forced to wear Cole’s tennis shoes, Nathan’s jeans, and Cole’s black shirt because I don’t keep any spare clothes at Mom’s. I’m not sure what would feel worse, wearing yesterday’s tuxedo or this mismatch of my brothers’ clothes, all I know is that I’m eager to change back into my own familiar clothes.
I’m perfectly flawed, is that how Sapphire put it?
“Are we allowed to pick some flowers for your dad’s room?” Sapphire asks from a few feet away as she surveys the choice of plants in front of her covered in an array of multicolored flowers.
“Yes,” I assure her, my dad following her along the garden path at his care home in his electric wheelchair.
She’s deep in concentration, and her tongue is poking out the side of her mouth as she picks the ones she wants before proceeding to pluck two of the biggest purple hydrangeas, I think that’s what Sapphire called them, and bunches them together by their stems between her clenched fist, then another, this time a pink one. “I like this one, Daniel. Smell.” She wafts it under my dad’s nose. “That’s good, right?”
He stammers something in response out of earshot. Whatever it was, she laughs then says, “I don’t know what your feet smell like so I couldn’t possibly comment, Daniel.” She reaches around the large plant when she spots something else that catches her eye, pushing herself to her tiptoes to give her more height. “This will go so well with the hydrangeas. It’s called beardtongue because it has these hairy parts.” She turns to demonstrate, rubbing the protruding stamen. “It looks fuzzy.” She then adds them to her ever-growing bunch and takes off down the path, beckoning my dad. “C’mon then, hot wheels, keep up.”
Cole chuckles, and I join in.
She’s a natural around him, with everyone, and I know my dad already loves her. The look on his face when she introduced herself and didn’t give him a chance to talk was rather entertaining. My father was once the best lawyer in the state and admired amongst his peers for his closing statements in court, but he’s met his match today with Sapphire. The only thing he did manage to shoehorn into their conversation was that he liked her hair. She then went on to explain it was wash-in and wash-out colors she used because she liked switching it up, like the trolls in theTrollsmovie, and my dad had no idea what she was referring to. That didn’t stop her, though; she then took it upon herself to show him photos of them on her phone, explaining that depending on what emotion they felt, the color of their hair changed. The side eye he shot me, and the smirk that followed, were both filled with amusement and approval.
“So, you and Sapphire, huh?” Cole asks as we stroll behind Sapphire and my dad.
I move my sunglasses from the top of my head down to shade my eyes because my head is pounding. I took two Tylenol before I left Mom’s, because I don’t have my acupressure gadget to clip onto my hand. I feel rough, but slightly better than I did when I woke up.
Although waking up beside Sapphire this morning made me feel better.
I reply with a, “Yeah, me and Sapphire.”
“How is that going?” Cole pries.
“It’s new.”
“How new?”
“We only kissed this morning.” I don’t know what leads me to share that piece of information.
“And I interrupted?”
“Probably just as well.” I don’t want to rush. I want to spend hours learning every soft curve and inch of her delectable body and take my time getting to know even more about her.
“Mom’s no-girls-staying-over rule, huh?”
“Yeah,” I agree, because it’s partly true.
For a few minutes, we stroll in silence before he asks, “How are you doing, Eli?”
“Fine,” I clip back. I’m far from fine. Better than I have been, though. Something settled in my chest today. It’s the most content it’s been for in a while.
Cole comes to a standstill, and I stop walking too, letting the gap between us, and Sapphire and my dad widen.
