“I’m so sorry. I’m a fuck up. I fuck things up and I never meant to hurt you,” he keeps repeating like a mantra.
For a man who struggles with his feelings, he’s letting them bleed out of him right now, all over the asphalt.
“You hurt me because you’re hurting, Eli. About your dad’s accident and his illness, it has been a lot for you to deal with. I know deep down you didn’t mean what you said.” It still hurts, though. A lot.
Although, since my brush with death, it all seems so insignificant now.
“No.” His voice is strong and clipped as he shakes his head adamantly. “That’s no excuse. I was out of line, and I’m a complete fucking idiot.”
I manage a faint smile. I’m so tired and all I want to do is close my eyes and go to sleep, my body completely exhausted from being in permanent fight mode all night. “I suppose you were a bit of an idiot,” I admit, shrugging my shoulders.
Unconsciously, he strokes my matted hair tenderly, like he doesn’t want to stop, making sure that I am, in fact, here. “I know what I want, Sapphire. I never needed time to decide, I didn’t need space to think, because from the first day I met you, all I’ve ever wanted is you. And while I can’t take back what I said, I will spend a lifetime making it up to you; that’s if you’ll let me. Don’t leave me, please give me another chance.”
We naturally pull apart, and I look up at him, studying the face I’ve memorized: every childhood scar, freckle, wrinkle, and the exact shade of his eyes: steel blue.
“I’m not leaving you.” Is that what he thinks?
“You’re not?”
“No.”
My words seem to catch him off guard. I watch his eyes widen slightly, the tension in his jaw betraying his surprise. I take a slow breath, steadying myself. “We never broke up, Elijah,” I say, my voice soft but firm. “We just… hit a rough patch. Your dad’s accident.” I stall, glancing away for a moment, swallowing the lump in my throat. “It triggered an OCD episode in you. It made you lash out… because you didn’t know how to handle it.” My fingers clench unconsciously at my sides. I look around, noticing that the others have drifted away, giving us a bubble of privacy. Encouraged, I continue. “You need tools to help you manage it. And you’re going to have to get help, because the way you spoke to me… that can’t happen again.”
He swallows hard, his gaze dropping for a second before snapping back to meet mine. “It won’t. I promise,” he says, stepping a little closer. His voice trembles slightly, but there’s a sincerity in it that makes my chest ache. “I’ll get help. More help… better help.”
For a moment I study him, seeing the vulnerability in his eyes, combined with the raw honesty in his words, and I let myself hope that this time, things could really be different. “I know you will.”
Then he’s back, touching my face, my arms, anything he can smooth his hands over as if checking I’m real and here, then he’s hugging me again, crushing me to him. “I love you, Sapphire. I’m so in love with you.”
“I love you too.” I never thought I’d get to tell him again.
“Your bright and bubbly personality is what I love about you the most. Your laugh, your smile. There isn’t a single thing I don’t like.”
“Not even Ghost?” Because he peed in Eli’s tennis shoes last week and that did not go down well when he discovered that half an hour before he had to leave for a game with his brothers.
“I might love you more because of Ghost. He makes us a little family.”
I shake my head at his absurdity, then let out a long, drawn-out yawn. I’m so tired, I could sleep for a month.
“Let’s get you home.”
Home.
That one tiny word sounds so good.
A thought pops into my head. “How is your dad? Is he okay?”
Eli’s eyes fill with tears and I worry for a second until he says, “He woke up at lunchtime. He’s going to be fine. He’s good.”
Oh, thank God for that.
Eli’s phone begins to ring and he smiles when he reads the name across the screen and shows me who’s calling.
“Lydia?” How does he have her number?
When he presses accept and puts the call on speakerphone, I can’t control my emotions and start crying again when my mom’s and then my dad’s voices come through the speaker, telling me they love me and that they’re only thirty seconds away, being driven to me by the rescue team, and how Eli hired a search and rescue helicopter with the help of his friends.
There’s a lot of information to absorb.
